HAPPY CINCO DeMAIO

This inconceivably witty piece of semantic effluvium provided by the always dependable Matt Shapiro.

VARIOUS ARTISTS - DOOMSDAY NEWS I & II: The New Generation of Heavy Metal (1988/89)

Just got the first of these two compilations on vinyl the other day, and have been blaring it relentlessly. Thanks again to del Tigre for the new record player.

Let's see: Coroner, Deathrow, Celtic Frost, Sabbat, Watchtower, Kreator, and Voivod all in the same place? Go look up "no brainer" in the dictionary.

Fuckers.


1. Scanner – Galactos
2. Rage – Before the Storm
3. Deathrow – Scattered by the Wind
4. Coroner – Arrogance in Uniform
5. Tankard – Total Addiction
6. Sabbat – Hosanna in Excelsis
7. Helloween – Starlight
8. Vendetta – And the Brave Man Fails
9. Celtic Frost – Mesmerized
10. Kreator – After the Attack
11. Voivod – Cockroaches

Download HERE

1. Coroner – Hate, Fire, Blood
2. Watchtower – Dangerous Toy
3. Midas Touch – Aceldama – Terminal Breath
4. Deathrow – Machinery
5. Mordred – The Artist
6. Rage – Mirror
7. Vendetta – War
8. Mania – Break Out

Download HERE

PS: There was aslo a 'Part 3' (Thrashing East Live!), but it was basically just a bunch of live tracks from Kreator, Sabbat, Tankard, and Coroner. Meh.

Bulgaria's own VENDETTA, in a band photo that really warrants no further commentary.

ILLOGICAL CONTRAPTION vs. AL QAEDA

So, as anyone who has corresponded with me via the blog already knows, illogicalcontraption(at)yahoo(dot)com was hacked in the wee hours of Tuesday, May 3rd, by forces unknown. Just to clear things up, I am NOT in fact in London, and I have NOT in fact been robbed. I don't need any money. Please stop sending it, as you are only funding terrorism.
Oh yeah, did I mention that the vast government conspiracy culminating in the security penetration of the IllCon email account has been directly linked to the assassination of Osama bin Laden (more like Osama bin Trippin', amirite!?) and the overarching takeover plot of his shapeshifting reptilian overlords? Because it has.
Anyway, counter-hack measures have been taken already, but the EXTRA shitty part is that the turd who hacked my account deleted every saved email in the 2 and a half year history of the blog (about 700 total), along with all of my contacts. So if you guys want to keep in touch, please send a fresh message so I have your info. Sorry for the bullshit.

On a semi-related note, why the fuck did all the link text on IllCon turn blue? It used to be red text that turned green when you hovered and grey when visited. Now it's just blue with no hover and purple when visited. I checked all the HTML in my template and nothing has changed, could this be a retaliatory al Qaeda plot as well? I dunno. If anyone with better tech skills than me (which is probably most of you) has an idea how to fix this shit let me know.

Sorry again, guys, and thanks for your patience.

Click for full size. This is old, but I still think it's kinda funny.
Fuck you, Yahoo.

I must atone...

I feel pretty bad about subjecting you all to one of my many guilty pleasures in my last post, and seeing as how I'll be away from internet-land for a couple of weeks, I didn't want to leave you with a bad taste in your mouth, so I figured I'd hip you good people to a band I just recently heard of, courtesy of the very awesome Hammer Smashed Sound.

Brooklyn-based skronky Death-Metallers Pyrrhon. I figured these guys would fit right in over here, being as they are some kind of Gorguts, Ulcerate, Human Remains and Deathspell Omega-like smorgasbord of tricksy riffage, atonal skronk and balls-out brutality. Here, check 'em out for yourselves...



Pretty darned tasty, right?

These guys strike me as being right up Cobras alley, so here's hoping they catch on around here. The track above is from their new album 'An Excellent Servant But a Terrible Master',which is available at their Bandcamp page as a 'name your own price' download. I URGE you to get over there and purchase it for however much you can afford. It really is a great album.





















Now, this being the twenty-first century - for most of us, anyway - you can tell the guys in Pyrrhon how much you love 'em via either the old-school way, if you still use MySpace, or, for those down wit' the kids aight, over at Facebook. The choice, as ever, is YOURS.

As I said earlier, I'll be mostly off-line for a few weeks now, but i didn't want to leave you empty-handed, so here is a track from Pyrrhon's debut EP 'Fever Kingdoms'...



...and HERE is a link to that EP for you to download, which I totally stole from Death Metal Invasion.




















Now g'wan, SCRAM you kids, before I get all verklemmt....

The Hanson Brothers - Gross Misconduct

No, this is not another post of shame about these douches:



The Hanson Brothers (taking their name from the 1977 Paul Newman flick Slap Shot, right) are basically Vancouver's mighty NoMeansNo (with one or two members of D.O.A. on this album) in their jock, hockey-punk alter ego role. They differ from NMN in about every possible way, replacing their poetic, opaquely obscure lyrics and complex, jazzy hardcore/rock with lyrics that are 100% ice hockey and music that is 110% Ramones worship.

Did I just hear you yawn? Oh no, another band emulating the Ramones, you say? WRONG! Granted, waaaay to many bands have aped the seminal NY punkers sound, but nobody, NOBODY, has done it as well as Rob and John et al. They've taken the Ramones' basic punk rock and infused it with a steroid dose of tight precision and technicality that elevates the style to another level. The real skill in what they do though, is that they've managed to do so without it being obvious or distracting.


If you're familiar with NoMeansNo's pulverising music you'll know they've been doing this covertly for years. Just listen to choice cuts like "Dad" (Sex Mad), "Oh no! Bruno!" (Wrong), "Bad" (The Sky Is Falling And I Want My Mommy) and "Tuck It Away" (The Worldhood Of The World (As Such)).

The music on this, the Hanson's first album Gross Misconduct, is so infectiously catchy that you'll find yourself humming it for days. This CD includes the three song 7" that came with the 1992 LP.

DOWNLOAD

GILTY PLEASHURES

'Sup, dudes! WHAT DID I MISS? I heard we were smack in the middle of guilty pleasures week up in this biiiiizzzzchhhh lol. I don't read this blog enough to know what that even means. Is it a celebration of my favorite Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter novel? Did Cobras want us to talk about the newest Barry Gibb/Babs Streisand collab? Was there any good shiz?? I've kind of been "off the grid" doing some work on "the playa" awaiting the next big burn sesh and making some extra dough. Lol I'm so fucking hi rite now.

ANNNNYYYWAYZ I wanted to talk about a little band I just

discovered and have been listening to for about 9 days str8. These guys seem to have come out of nowhere! My bro ROOTZ just popped them on while we were settin' up some tentz and I instantly fell into the wickedest H-HOLE (hash hole) ever. I mean these dudes were on some other shit. Check out this panther they had on stage:

That is like the evilest stage ever, rite???? The JGB or "Jerry Garcia Band" apparently hail from rite here in San Francisco, Cali. They released their first album in 1975. The pretty much perfect "Cats Under The Stars" and that, my friends, is my gift to you on this beautiful day. I basically became the biggest JGB supafan ever in the last couple days and I am now the proud owner of the complete set of JGB band's lead singer Jerry Garcia's whole collection of RARE COLLECTABLE NECKTIES. Eat that, Cobras.

Wickedly wild and weird, rite? For reals though, mysterious lead singer/guitar player Jerry Garcia's voice is heartbreakingly beautiful and his playing is fantastic on this album. Smoke an L get transported to 1975. A groovier, funkier time.

Inlaid with a pretty face in jade played in the carnival parade

GUILTY PLEASURES WEEK: Final Word From Shelby Cobras

BEST.

ALBUM.

EVER.


(Still gives me chills.)