Trou Noir - Echoes in Black Holes (2011)

When I finally got around to compiling my favorite records of 2011, I couldn't believe what I picked as my number 1. But it was undisputed. Didn't I eventually love every second of 777 Sects? Didn't my eyes fly out of my skull when I cranked Entity? Didn't Immolation's corporate-sponsored riff fest satisfy my secret guitar-squealing fantasies? I thought Ruin Lust blew my mind when I saw them play some ratty basement in the suburbs of New Jersey? WHAT ABOUT ASH BORER, MAN?

Nope, none of these beat out a record that exuded so much undeniable charm and misanthropic enthusiasm that I forgave almost unlistenable production. The volume on each track varies. There is zero bass. The vocals are crackly and indecipherable. The drums make no sense. It sounds so freaking kvlt! I thought I found that off-putting?

So why did Trou Noir's Echoes in Black Holes trump every other record 2011 had to offer?

Let's start with my personal highlight of the album:


Atmospheric, check. Peaceful, somehow. Menacing, a little. And cool riffage, bros.

But what gets me every time is the goddamn drummer. What the fuck is your deal, Worbid? Your timing is off and you sound like you've never listened to anyone, ever, in any genre, play any drum set. YOU ARE BREAKING ALL THE RULES, MAN! You can't just hit the crash cymbal and nothing else for 4 bars straight! You can't just fall on the double bass during a guitar interlude! You can't just hit those toms anytime you damn well feel like it! WHO SAID YOU COULD HIT THE TOM AND CRASH AT THE SAME TIME LIKE THAT? Where is the structure? Where are the familiar hand holds like blast beats and a STEADY BEAT ON THE HI HAT, is that too much to ask, Worbid?



And that's exactly why I find this record so charming. They inspire question after question. After countless listens I'm still interested. They are inadvertently breaking all the rules and they're doing it so compellingly and authentically that I have absolutely nothing but reverence for this 30 minute deluge of childlike exploration. Do I hear myself? This is ridiculous. I can't believe I'm talking about a black metal album this way. I should be ashamed of myself. I'm going to put Entity back on.

In the meantime, enjoy the most straightforwardly unusual black metal record of 2011. Crank it, but not too loud cuz the next track might just be 10 times louder than the last.

Download

Metallum / Last.fm

Worldwide Metal Per Capita

According to the US government there are 195 countries in the world. According to Encyclopaedia Metallum there are 135. What are the other 60 doing, if not producing metal bands? Probably still trying to figure out how to make fire, honestly.

Ask any everyday Hessian which region of the world produces the most metal and you're bound to hear Scandinavia. Well, data doesn't lie and I'm here to dig through the depths of it for your amusement and mine. I'm going to answer those burning questions like "What country produces the most metal per capita?", "Are those African cowboy metal dudes totally alone?", and "What is the best Jamaican black metal band?"

Let's start by looking at this from 10,000 feet up. Here are the top 10 countries in terms of cold, hard numbers:

Country	# of Metal Bands
US	17,006
Germany	8,083
Italy	4,690
Brazil	3,815
France	3,719
Sweden	3,368
UK	3,193
Finland	2,774
Poland	2,495
Canada	2,480

From this perspective it's pretty embarrassing for all you non-stateside Hessians out there. Is it because our GDP per capita is so great that we can afford more amps than everyone else? Absolutely not - Qatar's GDP per capita is more than twice ours and they boast only 1 metal band. Something cultural is clearly going on that I cannot quantify using data merely from Wikipedia and Encyclopaedia Metallum.

OK, so the US clearly dominates in terms of sheer number. We're kind of like the Microsoft of the metal world. Bloated and unsexy, yet present in most households. So let's look a little closer. Here's the top 10 in terms of metal parts per million* (MPPM):

Country	MPPM
Finland	514
Svalbard	417
Sweden	357
Liechtenstein	277
Norway	253
Iceland	216
Monaco	166
Faroe Islands	162
Gibraltar	135
Greece	124

(*MPPM is calculated using a series of super-proprietary methods you couldn't possibly understand, you'll just have to trust me. Actually it's just the country's population - thanks Wikipedia! I donated and you should too - divided by the number of bands listed on Encyclopaedia Metallum, times a million.)

Notice we don't even make the list? The US is actually #34 with 54 MPPM. Ouch. Canada, Croatia, and even fucking San Marino beat us out. Now we've got the little weiners and Scandinavia is laughing at them. Finland takes the cake with 514 metal bands per million inhabitants. Pretty fucking respectable.

I don't think that's much of a surprise, but... what the fuck is Svalbard doing at #2?

That's what's nice about this MPPM metric. The little guys have a chance to shine too. Svalbard is home to a whopping 2,394 permanent residents, and if you guessed it was in Scandinavia, you guessed right. There is 1 metal band in Svalbard, and their first drummer died of fucking hypothermia. Way to fucking represent, Goatskrieg.

Actually if any of you have ever considered collecting nickels or were able to stand listening to Alex Jones more than once, you probably already know about Svalbard. It is home to the Svalbard Global Seed Vault, famous for protecting 1.5 million seed species in the event of mismanagement of lesser seed vaults, equipment failures of seed vaults not trenched in permafrost, or a zombie takeover.


And Svalbard's official website boasts thusly about its nightlife:
"Restaurants and cafés offer meals based on local ingredients such as seal, whale, reindeer, grouse and arctic char. On rare occasions you may also find polar bear meat on the menu."

As such, despite being mostly veg, I'm having a fucking love affair with this permafrozen, seal-slaughtering, seed-storing expanse of land that's the Norwegian equivalent of Guam.


Anyway let's get back to it.

Scandinavia scores all the top spots, and man, that just feels right. They've pioneered extreme metal, created the most laughable music videos, made extreme metal mainstream, and continue to shell out excellent jamz. So, I congratulate you Scandinavia, you fucking deserve it.

Fuck, even Iceland touts a respectable 216 MPPM. Anybody have a favorite Icelandic metal band they'd like to share with the group?

Alright so the congratulatory awards have gone out - now who gets the raspberry awards? Let's take a look at the data.

Here are the countries tied for last place in terms of metal production (aside from those 60 who make absolutely nil). These bands have only one metal band to speak of:

Country	Only Metal Band
Svalbard	Goatskrieg
Greenland	Arctic Spirits
Barbados	Conrad
Belize	Bestial Lust
Suriname	Cross My Blessed Hands
Qatar	Asgard Legionnaires
Jamaica	Orisha Shakpana
Oman	Arabia
Laos	The Exile
Mozambique	Darkest Place
Kenya	Absence of Light
Congo	Infertile Surrogacy

This is encouraging for any bros who think they're alone in the world: no one is more alone than the bros in the bands listed above.

However the vocalist in Conrad gets around - not only is he in the first metal band in Barbados, he is also in the first metal band in Jamaica. Hats off to you, Lord Ifrit. You inspire us all.

Those listed above aren't necessarily the least-productive countries in terms of MDP (metal domestic product, obviously). We already saw that Svalbard is actually one of the top performers. So let's get down to it. Let's see who really deserves the raspberry awards.

Country	MPPM
Congo	0.01
Kenya	0.02
Myanmar	0.03
Mozambique	0.04
Uganda	0.06
India	0.09
China	0.12
Laos	0.15
Bangladesh	0.15
Egypt	0.16

Now we can clearly see that the most populous countries on our little blue rock are also among the least productive metal-wise. Shame on you, India. Shame on you, China. Though I for one am relieved that something I love is not made in China.

If I were a real statistician I would have a team of interns chasing down all this data for me, and then I would talk about biases like access to technology, and then I would run statistical models that would pinpoint the best predictors of MPPM. But I'm just a blogger and Shelby hasn't approved my request for interns yet, so I have all this pizza to myself and an almost empty glass of scotch, and the only real predictor of metal I can identify is proximity to the North Pole. And everybody knew that already anyway, so really this has just been an exercise in wasting everybody's time.

So go crank some fuckin' metal already. Try these dudes: hailing from Finland, the statistically-indisputable heartland of metal, here's the only melodic death metal band that really tickles me, Synestesia. Only Scandinavia can produce a voice so gloriously resounding and brutal as Eero Kuusisto's. MERRY CHRISTMAS, ASSHOLES!

Download / Purchase
Metallum / Last.fm

Enochian Crescent - Black Church (2006)

Today's the first day in 2 weeks I've had a free moment to write, and when I'm done I'm going to reward myself by opening up Skyrim and saying goodbye to family, friends, and my new job for 200 hours.

Before I do that I'm going to present to you Enochian Crescent. They're popular enough to have their own misheard lyrics video (an honor I thought was only bestowed upon balless, soulless, spiritless, corporate little bitches, suckers of Satan's cock like Fallout Boy), but I've never heard a peep about them stateside.



Hailing from Finland, these dudes shot into the Finnish limelight in 1997 after the singer sliced himself up on stage so badly that he was hospitalized. Maybe not such a rare occurrence except that in this case they were opening up for Emperor, who refused to play until someone cleaned up all the blood. As a result they got a pretty sweet record deal. Cheers, bros.

Actually, the dudes seem to have quite a following back home. In 2006 they were nominated for Band of the Year (lost to Children of Boredom) and Album of the Year (lost to Mokoma's Kuoleman laulukunnaat... wha?) for their album Black Church. Nominated by whom? The Finnish Metal Awards.

Yea, Finland has their own awards show for metal. Pretty cool, right? But as founding member Karri Suoraniemi said in an interview for Promised Land of Heavy Metal, "Mainstream and rebellion are incompatible," and what's extreme metal without rebellion?

What happens when extreme metal becomes mainstream? Girls start showing up to metal parties, that's what.

Anyway enough pontificating, let's get to the fucking metal:






Without further ado I give you 2006's Black Church, which stood as the band's comeback full-length after a 5 year hiatus. They fall under the black metal umbrella, but they're getting a little wet. Upside down crosses? Check. Shrieking vocals? Check. Pig hearts thrown into the audience? Check. But then there's a hairless black metal Billy Corgan cutting himself on stage, group vocals, poppy riffs, a bubble machine, and this guy lurking somewhere in the background:

HAIL!

Download

Metallum / Last.fm

Six Degrees of Craig Pillard, or, New Jersey Extreme Metalcest

Due to circumstances which I will never openly admit are within my control, I live currently in New Jersey, home to the laughably creepy Clinton Road and Ford's dumping site for paint sludge back in the 70's. Thankfully, I haven't had to look too far for some exceptional metal. I've got Disma, who recently got scooped up in this confusing NPR metal thing, and Funebrarum, who Shelby extolled here, and Abazagorath, who, despite this hilariously kitschy intro, put out a totally solid record way back in '97.

(Thee I invoke, glasses of Leviathan.)

As you start to dig through the maw of Encyclopaedia Metallum for info about any of these bands you start to see something strange unfold: everyone is in everyone else's band. Disma shares Shawn Eldridge and Daryl Kahan with Funebrarum. Kahan used to play in Abazagorath with Dave Wagner, who currently plays with Abazagorath, Funebrarum, and Evoken. Party on, dudes!

Who's Evoken? Oh that's just one of the greatest doom bands on the east coast - no, on the WHOLE COAST of the Americas - and one of the bands Craig Pillard has been involved with over the years. Who's Craig Pillard?

YOU FUCKING KNOW CRAIG PILLARD.

He was part of the Onward to Golgotha crew. (Oh and he's also in Disma.) And if it's OK with everyone I'm going to ignore the fact that he actually lives in Pennsylvania because NJ extreme metal wouldn't be the same without him. OK? OK. [ADDENDUM 11/10/11 - our hero shot me a note to say he actually lives in Central Jersey.]

Anyway we're just getting started.

Let's take the seemingly unrelated (but still New Jerseyan) Ossein. They released one metal album before going all experimental ambient. Not really my cup of tea. I don't have enough patience and/or drugs around to be able to sit through a 32-minute track that wanders from dreary black metal to log cabin acoustics to pot-and-pan atmospherics. But I'm no expert on this band because I've never actually sat through a whole album, not even the metal one. A few dudes have, and just explode from the pant seams about it, so I am just missing something.

Ossein - Declination

Anyway, Itay Keren plays in Ossein and Necrofog and Misanthropy Legion and used to play in Seraphim Lament and Angelcide before both bands broke up. Great! Keep it up, man, the world fucking needs you.

Who else played in Seraphim Lament? Shawn Eldridge. See above.

Who else played in Necrofog AND Misanthropy Legion AND Angelcide? Maelstrom - who's currently plucking the strings in Abazagorath.

Okay, okay, you're not convinced this is anything spectacular. Metalcest is no new thing. Metalheads collaborate all the time. I hear you. Now check this out:

That is the result of an embarrassing amount of time spent on EM. And I'm pretty confident it is a nice little enclosed corner of NJ metal, but by no means is it complete. For instance, I left out band members who are only in one band, or are only in some other tangential band, and I didn't count session or live members. (Hey I had to cut things off somewhere.) I have a dream that someday the whole of Encyclopaedia Metallum will be mapped out like this (and my little friend Bjorn will be able to pull it up on the HUD built into his contact lenses).

So let's explore some highlights in there. I'm going to skip Disma because everyone is talking about Disma and I won't have anything unique to say. Their new album crushes. There, done.

I think there's a little bit in here for everybody. Feelin' a little doomy? Here's the absolutely stellar Evoken. Classic doom styling with an occasional blast beat to make sure you're still paying attention. The discombobulating time signatures, clean picking over a filthy backbone of sonic imperialism, and graceful transitions had me at hello. I can't not love this.

Evoken - Antithesis of Light

Like filthy, violent, slow-torture death metal? Here's Womb, featuring 3/4 of the Onward to Golgotha era Incantation, including our hero, Pillard. As this Youtuber says, "Excellent gloomy atmosphere contained herein to ruin your day and raise the dead."

Womb/Disciples of Mockery Split

Like obscure late-80's rehearsal demos that sound like they were recorded in a windowless, moist, and spidery half-finished basement with someone's uncle's half-broken 4-track, but you know Pillard is in it so you force yourself to like it anyway? You're in luck, here's Carnage!

Carnage - Rehearsal '88

Like industrial melodic power black metalcore? I'm having a little trouble with it too, but here's Abysmal Gates, featuring bros from all over the NJ map.

Abysmal Gates - Divine Deception

So what did we learn today? Well, shit, I have no idea. I feel like DoomUnicorn after his neo-folk post from way back in October 2011. But this is what I found out:

-Craig Pillard is the Kevin Bacon of NJ extreme metal
-Chicks totally dig cool graphs

I'm now dreading the very real possibility that I am overlooking something totally obvious, or am leaving someone really famous out of this. Please feel free to lambast me accordingly in the comments. In the meantime cool off with a few honorable mentions and their respective Pillard Points.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Dripping
Connection to Pillard? Dripping is on Necroharmonic Productions along with Womb. Craig Pillard is in Womb. 2 Pillard Points, cake!

Helcaraxë
Connection to Pillard? Okay this one gets a little hairy. Joshua Bowens is a former member of Helcaraxe. He also used to play with Kult of Azazel. Tony Laureano played live with Kult of Azazel and in 1998 played for heavy hitter revolving door Acheron. Kyle Severn is a current member of both Acheron and Incantation. Craig Pillard was in Incantation. 5 Pillard Points (I think...). Regardless, QED!

Krieg

Connection to Pillard? Neil Jameson (Krieg's black heart & soul), like everyone, was at some point in Nachtmystium. So was Tony Laureano, mentioned above. Same trail after that. 4 Pillard Points. HAIL!

Nightbringer - Death and the Black Work (2008)

I have a dream that one day someone in Sweden will rhapsodize American black metal the way we rhapsodize their early death metal. In 20 years when we have RFID chips in our brains, and the Greys are riding on the subway, and the Bush family is finally outed as reptilian, some disenfranchised six-foot-six (ahem... two meter) 6th grader will push a button on his own head, project a keyboard onto the Ikea lunch table he’s sitting alone at, and type up his first blog post at Ologisk Grej (ya that’s Swedish for Illogical Contraption in case you didn’t know).

And the first American black metal band that I imagine he will rhapsodize is the Rocky Mountain occultist behemoth Nightbringer. (He and I will have that in common because this is my first post for you fine folks.)

He won’t care that they’ve released two of the same songs on three different albums (ok to be fair 2 of them were comps, but still). He won't care that they went all pretentious and self-proclaimed to be black metal of a "higher caliber".

All little Bjorn will know is that if he's lucky, the first song he will hear is Of Silence and Exsanguination, off Death and the Black Work. He will have 2 minutes of brooding ambiance to light candles and turn off the lights before he hears the first semblance of a musical instrument, and he has another 30 seconds or so to get out the fucking bedpan cuz shit is gonna get messy when the vocals kick in.

At which point he’s sucked under the tide, and a minute later he’s drowning so far under it that he has no idea which way is up. They sound like death at the bottom of the ocean and to me encapsulate the sound of absolute fear.

So, you know, if that’s your thing, you’ll totally be one of Bjorn’s bros someday.

They used to put on a free festival in a remote area of the Rockies every year, near their home in Green Mountain Falls, though this year it seems they opted to play Maryland Death Fest instead. (Hey even the blackest of the black need to pay rent.) I went one year and it was killer. There was no stage, just a big fire pit and some tiki torches, and the power came from a generator 20 feet away. I remember some female friend of the band trying to spraypaint a small Roman column meant as a prop for their show, and she asked one of the dudes for help. He just said “I’ll help you take off your top,” and kept walking.

Worth seeing live just to see the facepaint and mic stand. They use bogus names and do the corpse paint thing, but... aw hell... they are of a higher caliber. No doubt.

So without further ado I present to you, from way back in 2008, their first full-length, Death and the Black Work.

Download Here / Purchase Here (at least, that’s your best bet)

Metallum / Last.fm

Yes indeedy, another addition to the hallowed ranks of the IllCon Team! These a beast hails from the hoary, grey wastes of the (B)east Coast of these United States, and brings with him a wealth of cryptic and forbidden knowledge. He enjoys long walks on the beach, fireside cocktails, and horrific, Christ-raping black metal. Welcome him properly in the comments section. HAILS.

- Cobras