FUCK PIETY

These guys vs. Jesus, guess where my money is?

Straigh out of the frozen, hoary wastes of Singapore (home of the equally crushing Abhorer) comes IMPIETY, who you are no doubt fully acquainted and obsessed with by this late in the Satanic-blackthrash game. Formed all the way back in 1990 (Abhorer formed in '87, for the record), these non-pious Hessians have always worn their primitive influences (Sextrash, Sarcofago) proudly on their lengthily-spiked sleeves, as evidenced by their original band name (it was "Sexfago"--lols).
There is little to no bullshit present on these, their first two full-length releases--just an unrelenting onslaught of blasting drums, tremolo riffs, hoarse screeching about "Socerique Baphostorms", "Anal Madonnas", "Sodomythical Frostgoats", and "Hymnvocations of Nazarethian Nunwhores", and an abundance of seething, malevolent, diseased misanthropy. Oh, and some cool keyboard noises.
Happy Friday the 13th you fucking un-Baptized heathen scum.


ASATEERUL AWALEEN (1996)

Download HERE


SKULLFUCKING ARMAGEDDON (1999)

Download HERE
Purchase HERE


Metallum/Last.FM

No Visible Scars

As my esteemed colleague, Judge Shredd, mentioned below, We are in the end times. You only have to look at the economic and environmental situations across the globe, the rampant crime and disease rates, mankind has run its course. Mother Nature isn't too happy anymore and Megaupload is gone. We are facing extinction.
During these bleak times you need bleak music to soundtrack those last few heartbeats and breaths escaping you as the world slows down.
No Visible Scars managed to gain my attention with the 1970's/80's Giallo/Exploitation/Porn inspired artwork and imagery, they're love of the timeless C-90 tape,  and the fact quite a few of the digital releases are free. Most Illcon followers should be able to relate to one of those. I decided to give a heads up on a few of the releases worth investigating.

Elders Of The Apocalypse - The Law Of Iron (2011)

Get it

Nasty and ragged, thrashy death metal by guys with nasty names such as Plague Bearer and Sadistik Slayer. I guess the term "war metal" suits this best. I can hear elements of Kreator and Sodom in there alongside some  Bestial Warlust black noise and a slew of suitably apocalyptic samples. Awesome cover art included.

Nightbitch - Sex And Magic promo (2010)

Get it

This is the one I have been digging the most. Comprising the smooth pipes of that dude from Hour Of 13 with some total NWOBHM riffing crossed with proto-Doom jams. THIS SHIT ROCKS. This was a 3-track promo for the EP of the same name. They don't seem to have much else available but they have connections to a whole host of other bands according to Encyclopedia Metallum.

Poison Tongue - Lick You Sweety (2010)

Get it

That cover seem pretty attractive doesn't it? Bit more left field this time. Poison Tongue is Giallo/Exploitation inspired noisescapes. Its not full on harsh noise ( though it gets plenty harsh in places) but more ambient and unsettling due to the schizophrenic changes in volume and pacing. Kind of like those quiet bits in between Goblin freak outs crossed with Beherit's noise tendencies.

There you go gang. They have the usual places online here and here. I'm digging this label a lot recently. You should to.

TREVOR JONES - Angel Heart OST (1987)

Mention the name Trevor Jones to people and they will probably shrug their shoulders with indifference. Mention the films Dark Crystal, Labyrinth, Excalibur, Runaway Train or Dark City and they might have heard of a couple of those ( you would hope they have, if anyone ever denies hearing about or seeing one or more of these films, they can't be trusted!). Well Trevor Jones was responsible for the music to all of those.

I could recount Jones's career and what not but you can read all about him on Wikipedia so lets jut skip that and jump to the post, his atmospheric score to Alan Parker's supernatural 1987 flick, Angel Heart.

If you are familiar with the film ( you should be, if not then rectify this personal failure), then you will know about the claustrophobic atmosphere and general creepiness it exudes. Trevor Jones managed to capture this mood perfectly with a score that feels like a constantly shifting musical suite rather than separate tracks. Starting as it does with the mournful saxophone and creeping synths before moving into the downtrodden blues and thumping heartbeat of the second half, punctuated throughout with sampled dialogue detailing Mickey Rourke's doomed search. Its been my "drive to work" album for the past few weeks, my co-workers hate me for it.

Saxual Healing

The film is streaming online and its easy enough to find so get on that as well. Rourke and De Niro on fine form.

Herpes – Medellín (1989)

My first ever post for Illcon detailed the recorded output of Parabellum, without hyperbole, one of the most leftfield, fucked sounding death metal bands ever to exist. In that particular piece I was tempted to mention guitarist Carlos Perez's side project, with the the not-easily-Googleable-in-public moniker Herpes, but I decided against it. I don't want to tempt fate, and I fear that crossing two streams of such unrelenting force and brutality, parralel though they may have run, might cause some sort of rip in the fabric of the universe, some irreversable disruption that I don't want my fingerprints on. But here we are, several months hence. I feel the coast is clear and I hope I'm not wrong.

Herpes was the brainchild of the aformentioned Perez, who I believe played all the instruments on this release (information is fairly scant). The genre tag closest in proximity to this album would probably be grindcore, but that's only part of the picture. Grind, in 1989, was one of the most fringe forms of music, with its practictioners pushing the boundaries of conventional tonality. But compared to Herpes, the Napalm Deaths and Bolt Throwers of the world seem reserved, almost conservative, in comparison. I can't even say with any certainty that there are riffs or structure present in any of these songs. Growled vocals and blasting drums are audible (the former more clearly than the latter), but these are buried in sheets of dissonance, cascading waves of caustic, searing noise. Presumably this is provided by guitar and bass but it's difficult to tell. The album sounds like a recording of some sort of industrial metalworking facility pushed past peak production to the verge of collapse.

It ultimately sounds closer to Merzbow or early power electronics practictioners than it does any metal band. The tonality, if the term can be accurately applied here, is so thoroughly destroyed that even making a comparison is a tricky endeavor. Herpes (now as an actual band, I think – there are live videos that show more than one member) did release an album in 2004 that displays a comparable lack of regard for conventional structure, but lacks Medellin's cavernous, brittle anti-production. This constrast is interesting, because it almost seems like the recording studio itself was as much an instrument in the construction of Herpes' sound as the actual guitars, drums, and vocals were. Because while the band's most recent material is interesting, it lacks some of the vicious rawness of the debut, a point that underscores Perez's ability to utilize what might seem to be a setback (a shitty recording studio) as an advantage, an aesthetic signature that nobody in his time was able to really come close to. Plenty of bands consciously tried to come up with material this noisy and came off contrived, this shit is the real deal. It's brutal because it has to be, there were no other options available. Thoroughly noisy, thoroughly fucked sounding, but also an inimitable transmission from music's fringes.

--

Herpes – Medellín (1989)

OMG STATUS UPDATE!

Above: Shelby Cobras lives! Self-portrait shot 1/27/2012

Fuck, dudes!
First off, my apologies for all but abandoning my loyal public lo these past few weeks. Things have been more than a bit chaotic around Casa Cobras for a bit, and between Apocryphon shows, work, life drama, the podcast, and the unfortunate demise of Megaupload (with it 75% of the content uploaded to IC in the last 3 years), I just couldn't bring myself to face you all until I had my shit back together. Which I do now. Really. Don't mind the twitch.
Anyhow, I don't have anything ground-breaking or spectacular to drop on you guys today, just a quick how's-your-father to let you know that you still give me warm fuzzies in my man-parts. Also, a couple quick bullet points:

First off, Illogical Contraption Radio has been a fucking BLAST lately, especially last week's interview with David Liebe Hart (right), celebrated songsmith of Tim & Eric fame. Go listen to that if you haven't already, then stick around until 10pm PST tonight, when we'll be going live again. Wanna call us? Sweet! The number is (415) 829-2980, and we look forward to verbally destroying you with our far-superior vernacular and brain functions.
COME AT US, BROS.

(PS: The added bummer of the Megaupload shutdown is that several episodes of IC Radio, which never made it to iTunes, were stored therein, hence rendering them extinct to the ages. I've re-upped the surviving episodes to Mediafire as of today, but seeing as that particular file host will most likely be shut down within the week as well, I suggest you just man up and subscribe via iTunes.)

Who do we have on tonight's show, you ask?
What a wonderful question! Why, it's none other than the amazing FREEMAN, who blew our minds with tales of attempted murder by the Grateful Dead, the Friendship Bus, and CIA mind control via symbolism way back in Episode 7! I think it's safe to say that Freeman was one of the most enjoyable guests we've ever had on the show, and tonight's freak-out should be extra loopy, as our pet subject will be DISNEY AND BRAIN-WASHING. Dang.

ALSO. Apocryphon has a bunch of shows coming up (last weekend's shred-fest with HAZZARD'S CURE and Seattle's CRAWLIN' was the very definition of EPIC), so if you're in or around the Bay Area in February, come out and kick it with us. There's this:

Sunday Feb. 5 at Sub-Mission with PLAGUE WIDOW (they RULE), OLD CROW, YOUR ENEMY, HUMAN WASTE, and PILLAGER (just added)

Oh, and Dalton has a show at an art gallery with Street Justice on the 16th, then Apocryphon has another show at Eli's Mile High in Oakland with Worm Ouroboros, Bell Witch, Alaric, and Sutekh Hexen on the 24th. And let's not forget about the upcoming four-way split we're working on! I'd like to tell you more, but instead, I'm just going to post the best video ever uploaded to YouTube ten times in a row. If you play all of them simultaneously, you will achieve utter enlightenment and leave the plane of human material existence altogether. Enjoy:



HANG IN THERE, BROS!

WINTER NON-MIXTAPE 2011 (A Month Late, Sorry)

Dang. It seems that while we were all cheerleading for the defeat of SOPA and patting each other on the virtual back, somebody snuck in and shut down Megaupload. Bummer. As we bid our old friend MU adieu (and with it, about 75% of the music on this site), we must remain calm and determined in the face of adversity--for there are vast, terrible things still upon the horizon, and our only weapon against the forces of greed and evil is our unity. Stay strong, O my internet brothers and sisters. Stay strong. (PS I don't plan on going back and replacing every single missing Megaupload link, but I'll re-up files on request if you guys ask me nicely.)

Speaking of staying strong, I assume most of you are abreast of recent happenings over at our long-lost twin blog The Living Doorway (we must share at least, like, 90% readership, right?), namely Brother JGD's introduction of the TLD Fit Club, a forum for fat Hessians to talk about (and act on) getting skinny and healthy. As JGD and I share a brain, it comes as no surprise that I am fully on board with the Fit Club, and had actually already undertaken the monumental task, lo these past few weeks/months, of shedding my massive suds-gut, eating right, running, lifting, exercising, etc etc etc. That's right, folks: you can kiss Cobras' fat ass goodbye, and enjoy a much longer, sexier, and more sensual kiss with my brand new, toned, skinny ass. Pucker up.
But enough about my rippling torso and rock hard pecs. I was thinking about things a little, and realized that, via the weird psychic connection between JGD and myself, I'm probably more responsible for the TLD Fit Club than he is. I mean, we do share a brain. We like all the same shitty wigger slam and proto-death. We both buy stupid Santa hats to put on our cats at Christmastime (pictures available on request). Doesn't that basically qualify me as CO-OWNER of the Fit Club, if not outright CEO? I think it does, and as such, I've put together a little treat for all you pasty slobs looking to get blasted in 2012. It's been done before (by Sergeant D, I think), and by God it'll be done again, but I made a sick workout mix for you guys as an entry for the (month late, sorry) Don't Call It A Mixtape series, to guide you on your path to utter washboardism. Behold:


Today's delayed mix comes in two hour-long volumes, and basically serve as a Greatest Hits collection from the Cobras DM pantheon. I know when I'm blasting through my fiftieth set of inverted lat-curls, I need some super-crunchy, nad-pumping death metal spewing into my earholes, not too tech-y, too slow, or too slammy (although slam is often cited as a worthy workout companion--rightfully so). So that's what we've got here. Two rock-solid hours of cardio-friendly grind, spanning the entire twenty-plus year existence of the genre we all love so much.

Use this mix wisely, and you will reap the benefits for years to come. I'd like to thank JGD for introducing the concept of Fit Club invite JGD to join in on MY new Fit Club idea, as well as extend the invitation to all you sad, pathetic, fat fat fatties out there too. Let's get ripped.
Speaking of JGD, can you guys believe the crappy graphics he puts together over there on The Living Doorway (right)?
Seriously? MS Paint? You're better than that, Bro.



COME AT ME BRO (Part 1)

61:05, 103.4 MB

DOWNLOAD


COME AT ME BRO (Part 2)

60:46, 97.1 MB

DOWNLOAD


Pictured left to right: Cobras, Swayze, JGD.

Trou Noir - Echoes in Black Holes (2011)

When I finally got around to compiling my favorite records of 2011, I couldn't believe what I picked as my number 1. But it was undisputed. Didn't I eventually love every second of 777 Sects? Didn't my eyes fly out of my skull when I cranked Entity? Didn't Immolation's corporate-sponsored riff fest satisfy my secret guitar-squealing fantasies? I thought Ruin Lust blew my mind when I saw them play some ratty basement in the suburbs of New Jersey? WHAT ABOUT ASH BORER, MAN?

Nope, none of these beat out a record that exuded so much undeniable charm and misanthropic enthusiasm that I forgave almost unlistenable production. The volume on each track varies. There is zero bass. The vocals are crackly and indecipherable. The drums make no sense. It sounds so freaking kvlt! I thought I found that off-putting?

So why did Trou Noir's Echoes in Black Holes trump every other record 2011 had to offer?

Let's start with my personal highlight of the album:


Atmospheric, check. Peaceful, somehow. Menacing, a little. And cool riffage, bros.

But what gets me every time is the goddamn drummer. What the fuck is your deal, Worbid? Your timing is off and you sound like you've never listened to anyone, ever, in any genre, play any drum set. YOU ARE BREAKING ALL THE RULES, MAN! You can't just hit the crash cymbal and nothing else for 4 bars straight! You can't just fall on the double bass during a guitar interlude! You can't just hit those toms anytime you damn well feel like it! WHO SAID YOU COULD HIT THE TOM AND CRASH AT THE SAME TIME LIKE THAT? Where is the structure? Where are the familiar hand holds like blast beats and a STEADY BEAT ON THE HI HAT, is that too much to ask, Worbid?



And that's exactly why I find this record so charming. They inspire question after question. After countless listens I'm still interested. They are inadvertently breaking all the rules and they're doing it so compellingly and authentically that I have absolutely nothing but reverence for this 30 minute deluge of childlike exploration. Do I hear myself? This is ridiculous. I can't believe I'm talking about a black metal album this way. I should be ashamed of myself. I'm going to put Entity back on.

In the meantime, enjoy the most straightforwardly unusual black metal record of 2011. Crank it, but not too loud cuz the next track might just be 10 times louder than the last.

Download

Metallum / Last.fm

Suppression/Grief - Split EP (1995)

Growing up in a relatively small, somewhat culturally isolated city tucked away in the recesses of the Blue Ridge Mountains, punk rock came as a fucking godsend. I'll spare the whole getting-into-the-music story that's been done to death, but suffice to say it made an impression. However, while it tapped into a lot of feelings I had previously no understanding of how to articulate, most of what I could find out about the music in those days before the internet was the ubiquitous force it is today seemed to indicate that it had ended around the time Sid Vicious died, or in the case of hardcore, around the time the Bad Brains broke up the first time around and all the New York bands went metal. Coverage was scanty, so I took what I could get. I discovered Heartattack and more contemporary bands – His Hero Is Gone, Gehenna, Rorschach, etc. - not long afterwards, but it still seemed like something that happened a million miles away.

But I would search out what I could, often spending my limited early teenage income on whatever records looked cool. Not a great formula for finding killer music, but in one notable case it provided more than a little blowing of the ol' mind. It was such a small thing, something that would've been so easy to overlook, a split 7” with a flimsy green cover with some photos of dudes playing and destroying instruments on one side and some shit on the other that looked like it could've come from some high school stoner's art project. And it was a dollar. So I took my chances.

And one side was good. A band from Massachusetts called Grief. I'd heard some slower heavy music before – Melvins, Sabbath, etc. - but Grief took it all and injected some serious psychotic depressing vibes to it. I enjoyed it (if “enjoy” is the right word for something so nihilistic), gave it a few listens and flipped it over. The other band, Suppression, simply fucking destroyed. I'd heard some grindy shit before, had my mind similarly blown by Napalm Death not much earlier, but Suppression was next level. It was a feral blur, sheets of sound draped over blastbeats with harsh noise textures clawing their way through.

I didn't really know much about this sort of thing. I had no real exposure to noise beyond my dad's Sun Ra albums. I had no idea that there was this genre of lurching start/stop noise called power violence and that Suppression was one of the most vicious yet interesting examples of the style. And until finding that record, I had no idea that they (or anybody with ideas so extreme) were operating in the same small, punk rock-deprived city that I lived in. And that was the other facet to how mind-blowing Suppression was. Their music was – and remains – fucking killer. But that such a band could pop up in the same boring, backwater town in which I felt so isolated was an amazing feeling. It brought the world closer to home and provided an example of how great things can be made out of mediocre surroundings.

I managed to get most of Suppression's releases over the years and the majority of it is spectacular. It's like if Man Is The Bastard kept the noise parts, but instead of wandering off into the more technical instrumental parts, they opted for the blunt ferocity of Crossed Out or No Comment. Even after power violence turned into a higher-profile subgenre in recent years, with hordes of shitty youth crew bands throwing in a few blast beats and thinking that turns them into the next Infest, Suppression's music remains as bracing and compelling as when it was released.

During the late '90s, the band moved more into noise/ power electronics material and for several years their only performances and releases saw the band indulging their most dissonant impulses. It was interesting to watch – I recall one show where the band attached amplified contact microphones to bibles and beat them to shreds with dildos – but not always easy to sit down and listen to. In more recent years, the band has operated as a bass-and-drums duo, working in a vein that's somewhere between Ruins and early Butthole Surfers – frantic, obnoxious (in a good way) noise rock (sample song title: "Well Hung Toddler") that surprisingly doesn't stand in too stark contrast when the band breaks out some of their old power violence material, as they've thankfully been doing recently.

Bassist/singer Jason Hodges (the only consistent member of Suppression) runs an excellent label called CNP Records, which put out a compilation of all the Suppression material from their early years that's definitely well worth picking up. But as a bit of a taste of the mayhem inside, the band's split with Grief, the sort of new lenses that helped my younger self view the world differently, can be acquired below.

--

When caged like animals, we will act accordingly.

MONDAY MORNING SCIENCE CORNER: Ichneumonidae

 Ichneumonidae are a large family of wasps in the order Hymenoptera (wasps, bees and ants), They are identifiable because of their antennae-which have more segments most other wasps, extremely long ovipositors(egg laying structures)-often longer than their body, and their wing structure is different than other families if you want to get technical about it. They often have long cigar shaped abdomen, but not in all species.
Ichneumonidae is my favorite family of insects and a strong contender for Most Metal Organism. They earn my vote for this honor with: 1. sheer brutality, 2: literal metal and 3. a Christopher Hitchens-like disdain for god and religion. And they just look fucking cool:

1. Sheer Brutality

Most ichneumon species are parasitoids, the adult laying eggs in the host and the larvae developing within the host's body, often killing it. The main hosts for ichneumons are larvae of other insects. The female injects the eggs with her ovipositor(s), sometimes drilling into the tree that the host is living in. By sensing vibrations made by the host, she can locate it, drill into the tree and lay her eggs in it, through sometimes inches of wood.

Here is the process step by step: (from Wikipedia [check it out because the pic is much bigger])

1. Tapping with her antennae, the wasp detects and localizes scent and vibrations that indicate a host is present.
2. With the longer ovipositor, the wasp drills a hole through the bark.
3. The wasp inserts the ovipositor into the cavity which contains the host larva.
4. Making corrections.
5. Depositing her eggs.
6. Depositing her eggs.

Some species inject venom along with the eggs. The eggs hatch and the larvae develop in the host, feeding off it and killing it before emerging as an adult.

Here's a cool vid from the excellent Life in Undergrowth series on the BBC about an ichneumon that parasitizes caterpillars that live inside ant's nests:

Pretty brutal lifestyle or what?

2. Actually Metal

How do ichneumonids drill into the tree that the host lives in with just a thin ovipositor? How do the adults get out of the tree when they emerge from the host? The tip of the females ovipositor and the adults' mandibles in some species are tipped with actual METAL (zinc or maganese).

3. Disdain for Religion

Philosophers, theologians and naturalists were troubled by the cruelty and br00tality exhibited by organisms such as ichneumonid wasps and cuckoos. How could god create creatures that are so cruel if he is benevolent? Charles Darwin himself wrote:

I own that I cannot see as plainly as others do, and as I should wish to do, evidence of design and beneficence on all sides of us. There seems to me too much misery in the world. I cannot persuade myself that a beneficent and omnipotent God would have designedly created the Ichneumonidae with the express intention of their feeding within the living bodies of Caterpillars, or that a cat should play with mice.

Parasites like ichneumonids and cuckoos are and excellent challenge to the benevolence of god and creationism. In real life, shit like "cruelty" and "kindness" don't factor into survival, which is all that matters. As Darwin put it: "Let the strong survive and the weak perish."

All in all pretty fucking metal, and certainly at the top of my list for Most Metal Organism. And before yall get any ideas, I got dibs on writing a song about these sexy hellbeasts.

COBRAS' TOP ELEVEN OF ELEVEN

Seems like a pretty safe time to put out a 'Top Eleven of 2011', right? I mean, unless Inquisition puts out a new album within the next 30 hours or so, all entries have been accounted for and all the votes have been tallied--we're in the clear. Now, I know most of you are probably hoping for some sort of '20 Shittiest'-esque fiasco this year, but I regret to inform you that no such shit-talking will happen this time around: I was too busy listening to Joe Rogan and Giorgio Tsoukalos argue about ancient aliens to even listen to 20 "new" albums in their entirety this year, much less write about them.
It's true. I basically gave up music blogging in 2011, but that doesn't mean I can't shit out a quick dozen recommendations for you, does it? I still listen to metal on occasion. I don't by any means keep up with new music like I used to, but people are still constantly sending me stuff to listen to (despite my protests), so why not?

These "year end" lists are basically bullshit, and full of weird politics anyways. I mean, I thought the new Vektor album was great, but I never got a chance to fully digest the whole thing. Does that go on the list? Nah. The new Cruciamentum EP kills, but I'm bored of it already. Does that go on the list? Nah. I guess what you're looking at here is a small, somewhat inaccurate gathering of releases that actually held my attention this year, and no matter how many times I tell you guys I'm unqualified to write it, you'll still comment to tell me what I left out. Whatever. I know my taste in music sucks. That already puts me ahead of the pack. Fuck it.

Where was I? Oh yeah, the list.
Let's do this.


11. GIGAN - QUASI-HALLUCINOGENIC SONIC LANDSCAPES


There is much to be said for the type of Hessian bro that would rock a Voltron shirt in his band photo, as there is also much to be said for the type of Hessian bro that would (somewhat befuddlingly) entitle a song "Suspended In Cubes of Torment". This is GIGAN in a nutshell--insane, quasi-psychedelic riffs, extended noise loops, and biomechanical-octopus musicianship aside. Much hate has been thrown at the "tech" sub-genre in recent years, but I remain a firm supporter--as long as actual ideas are present. Despite the machine-gun drumming and tapping solos, these fuckers know how to write a goddamn SONG. Every jam on Quasi-Hallucinogenic has some sort of catchy section, several repeating (sometimes to the point of hypnotic) riffs, and a vocal hook (or at least what qualifies for one in death metal), and as a result, I've been stuck on it since its release earlier this year.
I've said before that I enjoy tech-death because it is the perfect union of the visceral and the cerebral. Gigan drive that point home--with the fury and precision of a marauding Mechagodzilla on DMT.


Metallum/Last.FM


10. PESTE NOIRE - L'ORDURE A L'ETAT PUR


Is the guy from France's Peste Noire a Nazi? Fuck if I know, or care. Either way, L'Ordure à l'état Pur is an epic mindfuck of a black metal album, mixing weird, psuedo-techno beats, farm animal noises, and bleak, misanthropic nihilism into a startling broth that managed to push boundaries even in the over-saturated BM market of 2011. There is plenty that I don't like about this album (see the aforementioned "techno" beats, 20-minute song times, NSBM leanings, etc etc) but the all-encompassing WEIRDNESS contained herein has made it a mainstay in the trusty ol' iPod, and the fact that Peste Noire can still keep me guessing after repeat listenings has to count for something.
If Abbath and Horgh commandeered Gogol Bordello and toured the catacombs of Paris, it might sound something like L'Ordure à l'état Pur. But until that happens, we'll just have to settle for this oddball gem, NS bullshit be damned.


Metallum/Last.FM


9. ENTRAILS ERADICATED - VIRALOCITY EP


JGD introduced me to Australia's Entrails Eradicated just recently, but I don't feel the least bit hesitant adding them here after such a short honeymoon. Sure, the extensive noise intros are overkill for this EP's brief runtime, but Viralocity is the band's first release, and this much talent deserves a little room to fuck up. Like Gigan, EE temper sweep-picked insanity with tasteful, catchy vocals and recognizable song structures, making them an instant favorite here at ICHQ.
Be forewarned: this year's Top 11 is chock-full of "techy" shit, but that's what seems to be sounding good to me these days. Perhaps technical death metal has finally tired of chasing its own tail, and is now settling into a pattern of "good songwriting" and "realistic production". But maybe it's just wishful thinking. Either way, Entrails Eradicated are doing something right, so here's to hoping that they don't perpetuate that "one EP and done" cycle so many other promising shredders have fallen prey to (see: Viraemia, Slaughterbox, etc).
Oh, and nice windmills too, guys.


Metallum/Last.FM


8. ARCHSPIRE - ALL SHALL ALIGN


Another obscure, tasteful tech gem, this time from the hoary wastes of Vancouver, Canada. These fellas seem to conform more to the shaved-heads-and-basketball-shorts school of uber-athletic bro-wanking, which, if you know ol' Cobras, is a major bonus. Shattering expectations by shunning any sort of melodic vocal pattern and/or Autotuned mosh breakdown, Archspire hit hard and fast, thoroughly annihilating your facial region with an onslaught of seven-string wizardry and hyperspeed blasting, all the while maintaining a crunchy, sing-along-with-Cookie-Monster feel that would make the Swedish DM Gods proud.
It should be duly noted that All Shall Align (like Viralocity) is Archspire's first release and mission statement--hinting that perhaps this is a band we should all be paying attention to in the future... Then again, maybe not--I saw one of their guitarists rocking a Dream Theater shirt in a live video.



Also, LOL:


Metallum/Last.FM


7. VAST AIRE - OX 2010: A STREET ODYSSEY


I've included Vast Aire's long-awaited opus Ox 2010: A Street Odyssey as a sorbet, to cleanse the palate. After all, if you don't mix it up and take a break from metal every now and then, you'll end up as one of those sad, defensive, sheltered pussies that hangs out in MetalSucks comments sections all day, writing things like "+1" and "^this".
All kidding aside, though, Vast Aire's solo follow up to his old duo Cannibal Ox's 2001 oddball classic The Cold Vein is 100% worth the wait, bursting at the seams with both streetwise, guns-and-dope poetry and abstract, artsy philosophy. It sucks that Vorghul Mega wasn't around for this one, but FUCK, Ox 2010 is a great album, and has been getting just as much stereo time here at ICHQ as anything the "metal" realm produced in 2011.


Last.FM: Vast Aire/Cannibal Ox


Brought to you by IllCon Animation Studios, Inc.

6. CONDEMNED - REALMS OF THE UNGODLY


2011 was the year that I took the wise words BEHEAD THOSE THAT INSULT SLAM as my own personal motto, recognizing as it were the odd correlation between "slam-insulting" and "fun-hating". I mean, seriously: I know "slam metal" is by far the most testosterone-driven form of DM, appealing to the most socially-and-intellectually-inept camo-shorters amongst us, but if you can't see the reason for its base appeal (i.e. sweet fucking grooves that make you mosh your balls off) then you are all but dead to me.
Sure, Realms of The Ungodly is standard-issue slam with the quality and riffsmanship levels bumped up a couple notches. But the sole fact that Condemned is comprised of 40 to 60% of the same dudes from the almighty CEPHALOTRIPSY? That connection alone bumps them up to #6.
PS: The new Cephalotripsy promo stuff that came out this year deserves its own spot on this list, but I figure I'll just save the #1 spot for their upcoming full-length on my Top 12 of '12 list next year. Fair enough.



Also, some new Cephalo jams in case you slept on 'em:




Metallum/Last.FM


5. VISCERAL DISGORGE - INGESTING PUTRIDITY


Like I said on #6: SLAM-INSULTERS CAN FUCKING SUCK IT.
Baltimore's own Visceral Disgorge have occupied their own little corner of my iPod's memory for the latter half of 2011, remaining both relevant and welcome with each "shuffle" cycle. Their low-brow sex-and-gore samples? Gold. Their mixed-too-low, monotone vocals? Yes please. "Force Fed Shredded Genitalia"? 10-4. "Colostomy Bag Asphyxiation"? Roger that. This is a band that will remind any Hessian warrior worth his spikes to never take him(or her)self too seriously, with enough tech-y, brain-melting pitt riffment to still qualify as "smart". Did I mention that this, too, is their first release?
More please.


Metallum/Last.FM


4. CRAFT - VOID


Often derided as hipster BM (thanks to a record deal with Southern Lord), Sweden's Craft have nonetheless delivered quality album after quality album since their inception in 1999 (Pro Tip: get 2000's Total Soul Rape and 2002's Terror Propaganda RIGHT HERE), with Void being their best so far. Few bands can rival Craft for pure, unadulterated misanthropy and hatred, but it's their innovative musicianship that really tickles my nuts.
This album represents Craft's Pokemon-esque evolution into a bigger, better, and more menacing creature--the Blastoise to Fuck The Universe's Wartortle. It's a shame that they'll inevitably have to go and kill themselves in the near future, depriving us of more classics like this one.

Best Song 2011?:


Metallum/Last.FM


3. ABSU - ABZU


Whenever I wish to judge a new Absu offering, I simply hold it up to their track off the 1997 Gummo OST, "The Gold Torques of Ulaid". Where does this new recording land on The Ulaid Scale? Is it 'not nearly as good'? 'Almost as good'? 'Better' (just kidding, no one will ever write a song better than that one)? The way I see it, said jam is the apex of the Absu pantheon, showcasing both their talent for complex, busy riffing, and obscure, transcendental mythologizing.
How gleeful was I, then, to find upon the arrival of their 2011 opus Abzu, that the WHOLE GODDAMN THING scored 'as good as' on The Ulaid Scale? I mean, FUCK, the opening track "Earth Ripper" alone packs an album's-worth of blackened, thrashy, cosmic goodness--but by the time the 15-minute closing track rolls around, one's mind is left as nothing but an amorphous pool of humiliated sludge.
Weird enough that these dudes would title their 2011 album Abzu after calling their 2009 release Absu--but hey, it's no secret that this band is on a different plane (they're from fucking Texas, man!), and should be treated as other-wordly beings. Far be it from me to pass judgment.

Obviously, Sir Proscriptor is on some next-level intergalactic karate-chop lamé-headband shit.


Metallum/Last.FM


2. ORIGIN - ENTITY


At the risk of sounding douchey or name-droppy, allow me to share a brief story about an encounter I had earlier this year with Paul Ryan, guitarist and main songwriter for longtime IllCon favorites Origin:

Sometime around February, I was making the rounds in SF, handing out flyers for the first (and last?) annual IC Black/Death Fest. I stopped by the ol' Guitar Center on Van Ness (where Paul works as a salesbro) to drop off some handbills, at which point homeboy pulled me aside and asked if I'd like to hear a track off the new (as of then unreleased) Origin album. Well yeah, of course, duh.
Anyhow, long story short, Paul took me back into the dark recesses of their PA department, where he proceeded to completely melt my face and brain by playing Entity's opening track "Expulsion of Fury" through a fucking WALL of speakers. I pretty much knew right then and there that the new album was going to be one of the best (if not THE best) albums of the year, and upon its official arrival in July, my suspicions were confirmed. Origin just blows the doors off of EVERYONE with this one. Case closed.


Metallum/Last.FM


Unanimous winner: Best animated .gif 2011

So now it's time, folks... A whole year of metal, all boiled down to ONE amazing release. My NUMBER ONE pick of 2011, an album that changed lives, made us laugh, made us think, made us cry.
Without further ado, the Illogical Contraption Number One Album of the Year:




MIND-BENDING.
LIFE-ALTERING.
A TOUR-DE-FORCE.