WINTER NON-MIXTAPE 2011 (A Month Late, Sorry)

Dang. It seems that while we were all cheerleading for the defeat of SOPA and patting each other on the virtual back, somebody snuck in and shut down Megaupload. Bummer. As we bid our old friend MU adieu (and with it, about 75% of the music on this site), we must remain calm and determined in the face of adversity--for there are vast, terrible things still upon the horizon, and our only weapon against the forces of greed and evil is our unity. Stay strong, O my internet brothers and sisters. Stay strong. (PS I don't plan on going back and replacing every single missing Megaupload link, but I'll re-up files on request if you guys ask me nicely.)

Speaking of staying strong, I assume most of you are abreast of recent happenings over at our long-lost twin blog The Living Doorway (we must share at least, like, 90% readership, right?), namely Brother JGD's introduction of the TLD Fit Club, a forum for fat Hessians to talk about (and act on) getting skinny and healthy. As JGD and I share a brain, it comes as no surprise that I am fully on board with the Fit Club, and had actually already undertaken the monumental task, lo these past few weeks/months, of shedding my massive suds-gut, eating right, running, lifting, exercising, etc etc etc. That's right, folks: you can kiss Cobras' fat ass goodbye, and enjoy a much longer, sexier, and more sensual kiss with my brand new, toned, skinny ass. Pucker up.
But enough about my rippling torso and rock hard pecs. I was thinking about things a little, and realized that, via the weird psychic connection between JGD and myself, I'm probably more responsible for the TLD Fit Club than he is. I mean, we do share a brain. We like all the same shitty wigger slam and proto-death. We both buy stupid Santa hats to put on our cats at Christmastime (pictures available on request). Doesn't that basically qualify me as CO-OWNER of the Fit Club, if not outright CEO? I think it does, and as such, I've put together a little treat for all you pasty slobs looking to get blasted in 2012. It's been done before (by Sergeant D, I think), and by God it'll be done again, but I made a sick workout mix for you guys as an entry for the (month late, sorry) Don't Call It A Mixtape series, to guide you on your path to utter washboardism. Behold:


Today's delayed mix comes in two hour-long volumes, and basically serve as a Greatest Hits collection from the Cobras DM pantheon. I know when I'm blasting through my fiftieth set of inverted lat-curls, I need some super-crunchy, nad-pumping death metal spewing into my earholes, not too tech-y, too slow, or too slammy (although slam is often cited as a worthy workout companion--rightfully so). So that's what we've got here. Two rock-solid hours of cardio-friendly grind, spanning the entire twenty-plus year existence of the genre we all love so much.

Use this mix wisely, and you will reap the benefits for years to come. I'd like to thank JGD for introducing the concept of Fit Club invite JGD to join in on MY new Fit Club idea, as well as extend the invitation to all you sad, pathetic, fat fat fatties out there too. Let's get ripped.
Speaking of JGD, can you guys believe the crappy graphics he puts together over there on The Living Doorway (right)?
Seriously? MS Paint? You're better than that, Bro.



COME AT ME BRO (Part 1)

61:05, 103.4 MB

DOWNLOAD


COME AT ME BRO (Part 2)

60:46, 97.1 MB

DOWNLOAD


Pictured left to right: Cobras, Swayze, JGD.

BACK IN BLACK (a rebellion of sorts)

Dude! Back in Black?! Micro-brew in a can?! Hell yeah! Now that's metal! The name is obviously taken from the song of the same title and while the Aussie heavy weight rockers themselves (AC/DC) may not be considered exactly "metal", shit man this beer’s name is more than appropriate for times like these - it is the Solstice after all (the longest night of the year)!

Those who live in the City (i.e. San Francisco) will undoubtedly be familiar with this particular type of beer since its brewed by 21st Amendment Brewery which is located in SF off 2nd Street. The beer itself comes in metal not glass. Yes good aluminum cans -- not your weak, shit-lined aluminum cans that you usually get from Oly, Coors, Miller, or Pabst -- so as to withstand some heavy drinking (I've inadvertently dropped a can or two and they have survived to tell the story).
Good beer in good cans = good drinking! Right?
(In my professional opinion, all beer should come in cans but that's probably just the hippie in me talking)

According to 21^st Amendment, Back In Black is “inspired by Paul Revere's midnight ride, we rebelled against the British style IPA, embraced the more aggressive American version and then recast it in bold, brave, defiant black. Our Black IPA is a Declaration of Independence from the tyranny of the expected... Brewed like an American IPA but with the addition of rich, dark malts, this beer has all the flavor and hop character you expect with a smooth, mellow finish.”

Huh? Say what? Hold on let me get another beer...

Basically Back In Black is a "black IPA". It's an American-styled IPA that has been brewed with traditional top fermenting ale yeast and hopped with Columbus hops, brewed with Rahr Pale, Crystal, Munich, and De-bittered Black malts; it has been dry-hopped with Centennial and Simcoe hops thus resulting in 65 IBUS. Its alcohol content is 6.8% by volume, so it’s still drinkable but low enough that a six-pack of it won’t get you entirely hammed. Basically it’s black in color, tastes like a hoppy stout but with the consistency of an IPA or pale ale and is more epic than that bier stein that your grandpa gave you last Christmas, sort of like this one here:

(I have a sudden urge to put on some Sacred Steel for some odd reason)

So why am I doing a post on beer you ask? Well I did do a brief post on a couple tasty and well-known beers not too long ago but it was centered around the music namely. To me, beer and music go hand in hand. Also now that I'm officially on "winter break" laziness has settled in and I couldn't come up with anything better to write about.

No, I'm kidding of course! Well, OK. Sort of...

Seriously though, this time around I figured I’d try something new on y'all. I wanted to share with you something that I enjoy – in the holiday spirit, of course. Plus, this beer rules and I have been drinking massive amounts of it recently and I think you should too! (I’m the Devourer of Spirits after all, so I must live up to my name I guess).
See, I'm all about this can-revolution that's been sweeping the micro-brew world recently. I think glass bottles are inefficient and using recycled aluminum is much more cost-effective than recycled glass bottles. More breweries should be looking into this option in my opinion... More on this another time perhaps.
Anyways, Back In Black is a great beer! I highly recommend it. It's got the best of both worlds (Stout meets IPA) and it gets you hammered! Incredible, I must say...
I realize that this beer may not be for everyone but 21st Amendment has other ales that they can also, and many other breweries are picking up the idea as well. It's almost like a rebellion of sorts!

In the spirit of rebellion, in which this beer was supposedly made, there’s nothing like listening to some dark, grim, incoherent, rebellious American Black Metal while downing a couple of these tasty brews on the eve of the Winter Solstice. So on that note, and in the spirit of keeping things traditional music-wise here at IllCon, I’ll share with you a link to some of the music I’ve been supposedly listening to while I have been rambling on here. Yes, I put together a mix of mp3s for y'all to enjoy. Lucky you!
(I guess this is my Christmas present to all of you but whatever you do, please don't call it a "mixtape" - that would just be unforgivable):

Judas Iscariot - Heaven In Flames
Nachtmystium - My Vengeance
Leviathan - Summoning Lupine
Valdur - Wound Fires In The Afterlife
Elk - Blood Under Stone
Unholy Crucifix - Desecration Priest
Miasmic - Gravemoss
Xasthur - Keeper of Sharpened Blades (And Ominous Fates)
Ash Borer - Untitled (Fell Voices/Ash Borer split)
Fog - By This Axe We Rule
Krieg - Sick Winds Stir The Cold Dawn
Weakling - No One Can Be Called As A Man While He'll Die
Nightbringer - Upturning the Seventh Chalice
Blackgoat - The Black Goat
Hemlock - Loyal To Evil
(NOTE: All of these bands can be found on Encyclopaedia Metallum
and via their respective websites)

Cheers!

For more info on Back In Black and 21st Amendment Brewery's other ales, check out their website at:
http://21st-amendment.com/

Contact your local distributor to see if they can carry their beer
(if we can get it here in bum-fuck-egypt-Humboldt County, you'll likely be able too)
or if you're visiting SF, stop by the brewery itself!

Remember to drink responsibly!

Oh, and Happy Holidays and such!
(or Holidaze if you prefer)

FALL NON-MIXTAPE 2011

Oh shit, I was so busy being a douche and fucking around on the BRAND NEW ILLOGICAL CONTRAPTION TUMBLR PAGE I totally missed the first day of Fall. That means I owe you guys a fresh Non-Mixtape, doesn't it? Well, Hell... Let's see what I've got lying around...

Actually, you know what? Fuck it. I'm gonna make a mix representing EXACTLY what I've been listening to as of late. I'm not gonna get overly creative or try to unearth anything obscure this time around. Nope, The IllCon Fall 2011 Non-Mixtape is coming straight out of my iTunes 'Recently Played' playlist. Nothing fancy.
Which means you're getting nothing but Inquisition and slam metal. Oh, and some Weezer.



1. Inquisition - Cosmic Invocation Rites
2. Condemned - Impulsive Dismemberment
3. Inquisition - Kill With Hate
4. Devourment - Festering Vomitous Mass
5. Inquisition - Crepuscular Battle Hymn
6. Abnormity - Irreversible Disintegration
7. Inquisition - Baptized In Black Goat Blood
8. Cephalotripsy - Sanguinary Misogynistic Execration
9. Inquisition - For Lucifer My Blood
10. Visceral Disgorge - Skullfucking Neonatal Necrosis
11. Inquisition - Ancient Monumental War Hymn
12. Gorevent - Worship Paganism
13. Inquisition - Unholy Magic Attack
14. Condemned - Realms of the Ungodly
15. Inquisition - Astral Path To Supreme Majesties
16. Spermswamp - I Cum Donut Filling
17. Inquisition - Impaled By The Cryptic Horns of Baphomet
18. Pathology - Ingestion of Creation
19. Inquisition - Dark Mutilation Rites
20. Weezer - El Scorcho

dl: INVOKING THE MAJESTIC THRONE OF SLAM

(20 songs, 1:18:02, 148.4 MB)

SUMMER NON-MIXTAPE 2011: The Best of The Worst

AKA When Your Favorite Metal Bands Shit The Bed

First day of Summer. You know what that means...
You got it: ILLCON MIXTAPE TIME!

It's miserably hot here in the Bay. So miserable, in fact, that I've been suddenly filled with the urge to punish myself with the worst metal humanly possible. Inspired by the recent shark-jumping of Vincent, Azagthoth, and company, I've decided that today's compilation will focus on the collective low points of certain common favorites in the "extreme metal" community--from the Big 4, Sabbath, and Motorhead, to some slightly more obscure death metal luminaries of the recent past. Exactly why I've chosen to explore the shared failure and shame of these beloved rock icons I can't really say... I guess now is just a time of extreme masochism and darkness for me, and the only way to express my angst is through bad art. Take THAT, Teenage Cobras!
As always, your recommendations for other shameful chapters in the lives of our heroes are welcome--share them in the comments section!

1. SLAYER - Born To Be Wild (from the amazing album NASCAR on Fox Presents: Crank It Up)
2. METALLICA w/ DJ SPOOKY - For Whom The Bell Tolls (The Irony of It All)
3. MANOWAR - Silent Night
4. AMON AMARTH - Aerials
5. MORBID ANGEL - Radikult
6. CELTIC FROST - I Won't Dance
7. NAPALM DEATH - Twist The Knife (Slowly) (Not even really that bad of a song--but the fact that it appears on the Mortal Kombat OST warrants its inclusion here.)
8. JUDAS PRIEST - Turbo Lover (Included for bad 80's drum-reverb abuse only.)
9. SLAYER & ICE T - Disorder
10. BLACK SABBATH - It's Alright
11. CRYPTOPSY - Bemoan The Martyr
12. MEGADETH - Youthanasia
13. MOTORHEAD - Enter Sandman (Fuck Metallica) (from the amazing album ECW: Extreme Music--a pro wrestling based hard rock compilation)
14. ANTHRAX - Random Acts of Senseless Violence
15. CARCASS - I Told You So (Corporate Rock Really Does Suck)
16. SOULFLY - Jumpdafuckup (I've never been a fan of Soulfly, but I have been a fan of Max Cavalera. And this song is just tooo good.)
17. METALLICA - Turn The Page
18. SLAYER - Playing With Dolls (completion of today's Slayer triumverate)

dl: LIVIN' HARDCORE RADICAL

Really?

SPRING NON-MIXTAPE 2011

This cover art took me FOREVER to put together.

So yeah, I try to do one of these "anti-mixtapes"on the first day of each new season, but I somehow missed the first day of Spring 2011 through a horrendous barrage of wind and near-freezing rain. So you guys are getting this one a week late (which is better than never). It's a pretty hefty mix this time around (over two hours of tunes), custom-made (as always) to play in order when dropped into an iTunes playlist.

I tried to challenge myself by playing a little word game with this one. I'm sure you guys can figure it out (please note that the first band is POWER Quest and the last band is POWERmad).

Enjoy!

1. POWER QUEST "Far Away"

2. QUEST FOR BLOOD "Noise"

3. PAGAN BLOOD "The Call of Gods"

4. PAGAN ALTAR "Flight of the Witch Queen"

5. BLACK ALTAR "The Revelation of Scourge"

6. BLACK DEATH "Night of the Living Death"

7. NAPALM DEATH "Nazi Punks Fuck Off"

8. EXTREME NAPALM TERROR "Part 5"

9. SLEEP TERROR "Ascetic Meditation"

10. ETERNAL SLEEP "... To The End"

11. HATE ETERNAL "Praise of the Almighty"

12. HATE FOREST "With Fire And Iron"

13. FOREST OF FOG "Die Klage des Windes"

14. FOG OF WAR "M.O.S.H."

15. INVOCATION WAR "Infinite Power"

16. BURIAL INVOCATION "Desecration Remains"

17. BURIAL CHAMBER TRIO "Untitled"

18. SKIN CHAMBER "On A Drunk"

19. SKIN INFECTION "Locust Swarm"

20. DEAD INFECTION "Autophagia"

21. DEAD CONGREGATION "Voices"

22. MOURNFUL CONGREGATION "As I Drown In Loveless Rain"

23. MOURNFUL NIGHT "Rain of Razors"

24. RAVEN BLACK NIGHT "Morbid Gladiator"

25. BLACK HAWK "First Attack"

26. KILLERHAWK "Wish Me Well"

27. MANIAC KILLER "Hypnotic Gore"

28. MANIAC BUTCHER "Barbarians"

29. MAD BUTCHER "Mad Butcher"

30. POWERMAD "Slaughterhouse"

DOWNLOAD

2:11:15, 204.5 MB

ILL JAMS BRO

FUCK YEAH WINTER NON-MIXTAPE 2010!!!

You guys know the fucking score already. First day of the new season = sweet new compilation (NOT A FUCKING "MIXTAPE", SALLY) courtesy of the Bro Patrol over here at IC.
Hence far:

WINTER '09: WINTER SONGS
SPRING '10: HAPPINESS
SUMMER '10: HIP-HOP DOUBLE FEATURE
FALL '10: GENERIC-ASS DEATH METAL

What have we now for the one-year anniversary of the "Don't Call It A Mixtape"? Easy! A compilation of damn near ALL my favorite tracks from 2010, from the brutal (Monumental Torment) to the epic (Inquisition) to the weird (Meads of Asphodel) to the silly (David Cross) to the stupid (Cretaceous) and back again. I know, I know: I already swore off year-end "best of" lists. Whatever. Download this sucker, give 'er a listen, and tell me just how LAME I am for liking this crap. I could care less.

Behold:

Click for full size

DL: "Honestly, I’m doubting this guy’s even a metalhead. I get it ,he listens to Deicide and Suffocation. He doesn’t need to namedrop those two bands almost every paragraph. I know people like this guy, who listen to one or two extreme metal bands, and all of a sudden think they’re br00tal and kvlt as fuck. 100$ says if I looked at his iPod almost every band there would be indie, post-grunge or pop punk :\"

1:19:42, 147.2 Mb. Enjoy!


Combine the Winter 2010 Non-Mixtape with the last two (semi) modern metal mixes I've posted here on IllCon, and you've got yourself a pretty cohesive collection representing the Soundtrack To Life, as it were, around ICHQ for the last year! Gee whiz!

Aug 25th: "MODERN METAL MIX", posted HERE, dirct DL HERE

This too

Sept 22nd: "CLUBBING TO DEATH" mix, posted HERE, direct DL HERE

Also, this

HOORAY FOR SHITTY METAL! HOORAY FOR ILLOGICAL CONTRAPTION! HOORAY FOR FUCKING WINTER!!!!