Showing posts with label Gore. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gore. Show all posts

Friday, April 13, 2012

A MESSAGE TO POST-DORITO AMERICA


ATTENTION:

IllCon Radio goes LIVE on FCCFreeRadio.com Studio 1A at 10pm PST this evening. We have an interview with ODERUS FUCKING URUNGUS. We have a special surprise co-host. We have fanny packs and articulated-toe shoes. We have interesting theories about the "Mars Monolith". We have a phone. Call us at (415) 829-2980. Subscribe to (and RATE!) us on iTunes. Shit is about to get real.

FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC!


Obligatory:


Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go rescue the President's daughter... FROM SPACE PRISON!

Friday, April 6, 2012

SICK OF YOU



Attention, SCUM:

IllCon Radio will not air this evening, as myself and Cory will be attending Gwar/Municipal Waste/Ghoul at The Regency in SF this evening. Expect a full report from the deep nether-regions in the near future, detailing our soon-to-be-legendary adventures backstage with Oderus and the gang (full interviews with O.U. and The Waste coming up on next week's show).

Monday, January 2, 2012

MONDAY MORNING SCIENCE CORNER: Amorphophallus titanum AKA The Stench of Death And Decay


Man, DoomUnicorn has been breaching all kinds of etiquette lately. Not only did he come out of nowhere with this whole "IllCon East vs. IllCon West" feud (see last post), but he added insult to injury by posting pornogrind on a Monday, which we all know is verboten. Not only that, but the guy spelled "cryptosporidium" wrong multiple times in said post--I mean, who spells "cryptosporidium" incorrectly? Rookie moves, man. Rookie moves.

Anyhow, West Coast Envy notwithstanding, we now return you to your scheduled program: Monday Morning Science Corner, the CORRECT, educated, West Coast version of Monday mornings at ICHQ. Today's subject is the "corpse flower" AKA "carrion flower", a topic recommended by These A Beast--who I thank graciously, and forgive for living on the wretched East Coast of these United States.

Wikipedia: The titan arum or Amorphophallus titanum (from Ancient Greek amorphos, "without form, misshapen" + phallos, "phallus", and titan, "giant" = "Giant Misshapen Penis") is a flowering plant with the largest unbranched inflorescence in the world. The titan arum's inflorescence is not as large as that of the Talipot palm, Corypha umbraculifera, but the inflorescence of the Talipot palm is branched rather than unbranched.
Due to its odor, which is reminiscent of the smell of a decomposing mammal, the titan arum is characterized as a carrion flower, and is also known as the "corpse flower", or "corpse plant" (Indonesian:
bunga bangkaibunga means flower, while bangkai means corpse or cadaver). For the same reason, the title "corpse flower" is also attributed to the genus Rafflesia which, like the titan arum, grows in the rainforests of Sumatra.

Sumatra is also known for its vicious Rat Monkeys


The titan arum's inflorescence can reach over 3 metres (10 ft) in height. Like the related cuckoo pint and calla lily, it consists of a fragrant spadix of flowers wrapped by a spathe, which looks like a large petal. In the case of the titan arum, the spathe is green on the outside and dark burgundy red on the inside, and deeply furrowed. The spadix is hollow and resembles a large loaf of French bread. The upper, visible portion of the spadix is covered in pollen, while its lower extremity is spangled with bright red-orange carpels. The "fragrance" of the titan arum resembles rotting meat, attracting carrion-eating beetles and Flesh Flies (family Sarcophagidae) that pollinate it. The inflorescence's deep red color and texture contribute to the illusion that the spathe is a piece of meat. During bloom, the tip of the spadix is approximately human body temperature, which helps the perfume volatilize; this heat is also believed to assist in the illusion that attracts carcass-eating insects.
After the flower dies back, a single leaf, which reaches the size of a small tree, grows from the underground corm. The leaf grows on a semi-green stalk that branches into three sections at the top, each containing many leaflets. The leaf structure can reach up to 6 metres (20 ft) tall and 5 metres (16 ft) across. Each year, the old leaf dies and a new one grows in its place. When the corm has stored enough energy, it becomes dormant for about 4 months. Then, the process repeats.
The corm is the largest known, weighing around 50 kilograms (110 lb). When a specimen at the Princess of Wales Conservatory, Kew Gardens, was repotted after its dormant period, the weight was recorded as 91 kilograms (200 lb).


Above: Visual approximation of Amorphophallus titanum's bloom odor

Left: related "corpse flower" species Rafflesia.

So let's see here: Amorphophallus titanum is a flower that a) comes from the very-metal location of Sumatra, b) grows to as much as 20 feet tall and 16 feet wide, c) blooms only after 7-15 years of life, d) has a Latin name that means "giant, misshapen dick", and e) mimics the smell (and appearance, and temperature) of rotting flesh to attract insects.
Holy fuck. That is Very Metal.

For a fucking flower, I mean.



Titan arum blooming in time lapse:



And lastly, David Attenborough breaks it down:




PS: Speaking of shit that stinks, Episode 16 of IllCon Radio is now up for download and streaming HERE. Learn about the deep UFOlogy behind Blink 182, Alan Moore’s masturbation sorcery, and the soon-to-be-released Grateful Dead MMORPG!

Lots of really cool stuff is coming up on the show in January as well, including an in-depth study of the conspiracy theories connected to Kubrick's The Shining (hint: it's a palindrome), an interview with Peaches Christ, an entire episode about Disney's ties to mind control, Illuminati symbolism, and Satan, and the return of the almighty Freeman. Turn on, tune in, and HESH OUT!

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Sunday Night Blues is an Acute Condition


Dang, Sunday night already? That means work for most of us IllCon slobs except for Cobras who lives exclusively off Apocryphon royalties, and school for a not-insignificant segment of the IllCon workforce. Lucky for you, I've culled a trifecta of newish death metal newish releases to kick off your week. The first, The Virally Enthroned's Catharsis, a pitch perfect tech-death effort crafted by your five younger cousins apparently, if their metal-archives photo is any indication. I mean yeah, they may need some image work but I'm a little surprised there isn't more chatter about this band. I guess I shouldn't make fun too hard because this band photo could probably double as a snap of an IllCon staff meeting.

The second, a tardcore slamfest by a Belgian band who decided to call itself Putrified J; I love any band whose name looks like a typo. Putrified J is not to be confused with Putrified, whose debut LP, Spawn of the Dead, just dropped recently and just so happens to shred (evidence to follow). Putrified J has been making the rounds lately on some of those other metal blogs you read, and for good reason. Not only are they giving their album away for free - total bro move - but their low-threshold brutal slamz are just the thing you need to ease into this week and the holiday season that is well nigh near. 12 tracks in under 20 minutes makes this the perfect substitute for your Quiet Storm: Slow Jams tape when it goes missing. Putrified J get bonus points for proclaiming on Facebook that THIS SHIT WONT EVER STOP AND U CANNOT MAKE US!

Truth.


Thursday, November 10, 2011

HEMDALE - RAD JACKSON (Discography, 2002)


Yep, it's pretty generic (albeit high-quality) goregrind, and yeah, there's a bunch of corny/funny/stupid/grotesque movie samples, and sure, most of 37 songs here are only a minute or so long, and indeed, there is a zombie holding a cat on the front cover, and yes, this compilation bears the unfortunately mundane title Rad Jackson, and of course, song titles like "Buried Under A Pile Of Zombie Dung", "Demented Surgical Incest", "Licking Mental Patients Cum Off The Sheets", "Tasty Hemorrhoidal Tissue", and "Bathing In Mucus And Bile" are present, and yeah, maybe they do a Napalm Death cover or two, but lighten up, bro. I guarantee you've seen stupider things on this blog before.
Anyway, like other champions of low-brow stupidity Nunslaughter and Embalmer (anyone else remember the "Necro-Filing Cabinet"?), Hemdale came from good old Cleveland, Ohio, and released only a string of splits and ill-fated demos during the years of their "actual" existence, 1993 to 1998. Relapse scooped them up posthumously and put together the incomplete discography known as Rad Jackson in '02, as well as signing a bunch of bands from drummer Craig Rowe's label Visceral Productions when that enterprise tanked as well (Nile and Exhumed were alumni under the Visceral banner). But enough Death Metal History 101. If you're in the mood for some really fucking dumb semi-comedic splattergrind, maybe Hemdale is just the band to kill off a couple brain cells today.
Man, WTF is wrong with Cleveland anyway?



Download HERE
Purchase HERE

Metallum/Last.FM

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Bands Affected By Suicide

Dissection, Gorguts, Dark Disciple, Emptor, Mayhem: what is the tie that binds? Well, if you read the title, they were all affected by suicide. Some bands were unable to recover. Others carried on to varying degrees of success.

Before we get down to brass tacks: DON'T KILL YOURSELF! If you're bummed, talk to someone about it. You can even tell old DoomUnicorn here. Suicide is a complete drag and it means you can't listen to metal jamz anymore.

As I gathered my research (such as it is) I was surprised by the lack of the sort of tearful memorial melodrama you get with dead musicians (think Dio, Schuldiner, Burton). Sure, you've got some fan videos on youtube, but for the most part, these guys are treated as carnival oddities and kept at an emotional arm's length. Despite metal's cozy relationship with death, it made me wonder if suicide is too real, even for metalheads. And with metal's cartoonization of death subjects, it's impossible to identify actual mental health issues in its artists. We're talking about finding sick needles in sicker haystacks. I wonder how many more great artists we're going to lose to suicide because we're so desensitized. Although I guess I don't know what I would do if I could identify mental health problems through :45 powerviolence songs.

BUMMED YET? Good. FUCK YOU. Let's go.

MAYHEM
RIP Per Yngve Ohlin a.k.a. Dead, Vocals (22 years old)


Let's start off with the obvious: Mayhem's original vocalist who famously blew his head off, Varg told him to do it and sent him the slugs, Euronymous snapped the pics, and Mayhem immortalized it Dawn of the Black Hearts.

Pretty grim

I admit it; I was somewhat late to the BM party. I was still bumping Master of Puppets when Deathcrush hit so I didn't even discover Mayhem until like the mid 90s. But it was jacking my friend's brother's Out from the Dark tape from his Mercury Cougar that got me hooked and opened so many doors to extreme music. I don't even know what that guy, more of a Voivod fella, was doing with a copy. Looking back on it, +10 kvlt points for him. More truth: I don't even like most other Mayhem. I've tried repeatedly to get into De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas since everyone tells me it's great but for me it's Out from the Dark or bust. I think it's Attila Csihar; I hate almost everything he's ever touched. Fuck that asshole.

What is this even supposed to be?

Dead's vocals lack range on this tape, which is a recording of his last rehearsal with the band, in that they are just kind of stuck on the psychotic, slightly strangled setting and have an in-your-faceness a lot of BM--especially that of the "atmospheric" persuasion--avoids. It's probably got something to do with the low production quality but I like to think it was intentional. To give you a sense of what we're dealing with, I present the lyrics to Chainsaw Gutsfuck, unequivocally the finest song title in all of metal:

Bleed down to the fucking core
You're going down for fucking more
Screw your slimy guts
Driving me fucking nuts!

Chainsaw in my bleeding hands
As I start to cut you in two
Your guts are steaming out
And I just love the sight!

Maggots crawling in her cunt
I just love to lick that shit
Bury you in a slimy grave
You will rot forever there!

Now you know.

I could say more but there really is no way to articulate how good this album is. Hit the link and get immediately transported to a simpler time, when BM was all Lucifer, spike cuffs, and pissed off 20 year old introverts with unpronouncable names. Not a trace of anarcho-environmentalism in sight.

EMPTOR
RIP Erik Brødreskift, Drums (30 years old)

Emptor eked out one demo in its short lifetime. It happens to be an absolute motherfucker of a demo though, with 20 minutes of deranged thrash that crams King Diamond, early Kreator, Destruction, and Sabbath into a surprisingly effective whole. This was '88, so thrash was definitely taking off and Emptor wasn't doing anything unprecedented, but there's something primitive and hungry about them, and the fact that it sounds like it was recorded in an industrial shed, that grabs me. On the surface, there is very little here you you can't find on records with better songs and higher fidelity but it has gobs of soul (try finding that on your Futur Skullz disc) to go along with its paint-by-numbers riffs.

I feel kinda shitty about commemorating Erik Brødreskift with this album because you can barely make out the drums on it. For a guy who is 100% certified official (Gorgoroth and Immortal on the C.V.; Hole in the Sky dedication; etc.), this demo is almost a throwaway. But I love it anyway so it fucking goes in. If you only DL one thing from this post, make it this.


DARK DISCIPLE
RIP Mat Sargent, vocals (30 years old)

Before their vocalist, Mat Sargent, killed himself in '08, Dark Disciple managed a handful of releases of safe, competent, knuckle-dragging, Jesus-baiting slam. See Devourment, Disgorge, Suffocation, etc. They sound like dudes who would totally be down for beating my ass after school. They do NOT fit the metal suicide stereotype of introspective genius with a penchant for early Cure. On a whole, you get a pretty good idea of the milquetoast death metal that lies within by taking in the cover.

However, there are moments in between the slam clichés (the intro is 30 seconds of someone saying 'Jesus Loves You'...only BACKWARDS!!!) that hint at some real potential; Sargent's schizo BM/DM vocals are especially compelling. Who knows, maybe this is an overlooked classic and Cobras can explain it better for you.

DISSECTION
RIP Jon Nödtveidt, guitar and vocals (31 years old)

OK back into the heavy hitters. Helping to usher in melodic black/death (for better or worse), Nödtveidt was responsible for not one but two of death metal's landmark releases (Storm and Somberlain) before he turned 21. While you were busy drinking your Dad's Genny Cream Ale down by the underpass and setting tire fires, this guy was dropping classics. Listening to Dissection's first demo, The Grief Prophecy, Nödtveidt's talents are on full display as he manages to put literally all posers on blast in three short tracks. For all of The Somberlain's cold, melodic, majestic riffery, The Grief Prophecy excels in filthy, down-tuned, raw power that sounds like too-talented kids huffing glue and changing metal. Even when it veers into predictability (see: Consumed), the guitar harmonies and overall atmosphere are flawless. Truth told, I'm not the biggest Dissection fan, but I could listen to this all day. Artwork by Dead!

GORGUTS
RIP Steve MacDonald, Drums (31 years old)

Gorguts! Srs, what can be said about Gorguts that hasn't already been said by people more articulate than myself. I feel a little bad about posting ...And Then Comes Lividity only cos he didn't drum on it. He was best known for their last album, 2001's serviceable From Wisdom to Hate, and it was his suicide that prompted their dissolution. However, this is essential listening so there is no viable option but to post it.

Before Gorguts went tech, they played some wretchedly durty, straight ahead OSDM that would stand up against almost anything by Incantation. ...And Then Comes Lividity is a side of Gorguts you don't often see and it provides back story for their bigger releases. You get none of the technical insanity of Obscura, for example, but the riffs are unfuckwithable, vocal delivery is spot-on, and it has that je ne sais quoi of early DM. The production is shit, to put it gently, but the mix is balanced and, even though the bass sounds like a trapped sofa fart, you can locate each instrument cleanly and get a sense of the musical wizardry that Gorguts would later shit out all over the place.


So that's it. Everyone was 30 or 31 years old except Per Ohlin?
What the fuck is up with THAT?

Thursday, September 29, 2011

GHOUL: TOO KOOL 4 SKOOL, ROOLING WHILST OTHERS DROOL.

I warned you guys back in July...

GHOUL, "Metallicus Ex Mortis"





Thanks to Metal Injection for the link. Oh yeah, also thanks to Aesop and Crud Wizard for making this. It rules.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

FALL NON-MIXTAPE 2011


Oh shit, I was so busy being a douche and fucking around on the BRAND NEW ILLOGICAL CONTRAPTION TUMBLR PAGE I totally missed the first day of Fall. That means I owe you guys a fresh Non-Mixtape, doesn't it? Well, Hell... Let's see what I've got lying around...

Actually, you know what? Fuck it. I'm gonna make a mix representing EXACTLY what I've been listening to as of late. I'm not gonna get overly creative or try to unearth anything obscure this time around. Nope, The IllCon Fall 2011 Non-Mixtape is coming straight out of my iTunes 'Recently Played' playlist. Nothing fancy.
Which means you're getting nothing but Inquisition and slam metal. Oh, and some Weezer.



1. Inquisition - Cosmic Invocation Rites
2. Condemned - Impulsive Dismemberment
3. Inquisition - Kill With Hate
4. Devourment - Festering Vomitous Mass
5. Inquisition - Crepuscular Battle Hymn
6. Abnormity - Irreversible Disintegration
7. Inquisition - Baptized In Black Goat Blood
8. Cephalotripsy - Sanguinary Misogynistic Execration
9. Inquisition - For Lucifer My Blood
10. Visceral Disgorge - Skullfucking Neonatal Necrosis
11. Inquisition - Ancient Monumental War Hymn
12. Gorevent - Worship Paganism
13. Inquisition - Unholy Magic Attack
14. Condemned - Realms of the Ungodly
15. Inquisition - Astral Path To Supreme Majesties
16. Spermswamp - I Cum Donut Filling
17. Inquisition - Impaled By The Cryptic Horns of Baphomet
18. Pathology - Ingestion of Creation
19. Inquisition - Dark Mutilation Rites
20. Weezer - El Scorcho

dl: INVOKING THE MAJESTIC THRONE OF SLAM

(20 songs, 1:18:02, 148.4 MB)


Tuesday, September 20, 2011

"ANOTHER BIG ANNOUNCEMENT"


For those of you with a short attention span, GOOD NEWS! Illogical Contraption now has a fucking TUMBLR PAGE!!! Imagine: everything you've come to know and love about Illogical Contraption Classic, but without all that annoying "content" getting in the way. Pretty pictures, tidy little quotes, .gifs, and videos--AND YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO USE YOUR BRAIN! Follow us or die!!!

In other news, the aforementioned Illogical Contraption Radio came in #3, download-wise, out of the 50 shows hosted on FCC Free Radio.com in our first month. 34,000 downloads from our first 5 shows! Holy shit! All credit goes to Brother Cory on this one, she show seems to be going really well despite all the drunkenness and stupidity, and I foresee a long future for it. Thanks to all the longtime IC readers who called in (Smeg, RyGar, and Alex in NY, among others), that shit was super fun and I look forward to doing it again this Friday at 10 pm.

ALL HAIL THE ILLCON MULTIMEDIA ASSAULT.
LONG LIVE THE NEW FLESH.



Thursday, September 15, 2011

VARIOUS ARTISTS - THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD SOUNDTRACK (1985)


To be honest, I'm not really a huge fan of any one band on the Return of The Living Dead OST (not even Roky Erickson--please direct your indignant hate mail to illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com), butt ass a hole, the whole thing just WORKS, probably just because of all the fond memories I have personally attached to this beyond-stellar 1985 masterpiece of a film. I mean, zombie movies just don't get much better than this. Real talk.



Track list:

1. Surfin' Dead - The Cramps
2. Partytime (Zombie Version) - 45 Grave
3. Nothing For You - TSOL
4. Eyes Without A Face - The Flesheaters
5. Burn The Flames - Roky Erickson
6. Dead Beat Dance - The Damned
7. Take A Walk - Tall Boys
8. Love Under Will - The Jet Black Berries
9. Tonight (We'll Make Love Until We Die) - SSQ
10. Trash's Theme - SSQ


Download HERE
Purchase HERE

*Extended version with dialogue snippets and whatnot over at Digital Meltdown