MONDAY MORNING SCIENCE CORNER: Ichneumonidae

 Ichneumonidae are a large family of wasps in the order Hymenoptera (wasps, bees and ants), They are identifiable because of their antennae-which have more segments most other wasps, extremely long ovipositors(egg laying structures)-often longer than their body, and their wing structure is different than other families if you want to get technical about it. They often have long cigar shaped abdomen, but not in all species.
Ichneumonidae is my favorite family of insects and a strong contender for Most Metal Organism. They earn my vote for this honor with: 1. sheer brutality, 2: literal metal and 3. a Christopher Hitchens-like disdain for god and religion. And they just look fucking cool:

1. Sheer Brutality

Most ichneumon species are parasitoids, the adult laying eggs in the host and the larvae developing within the host's body, often killing it. The main hosts for ichneumons are larvae of other insects. The female injects the eggs with her ovipositor(s), sometimes drilling into the tree that the host is living in. By sensing vibrations made by the host, she can locate it, drill into the tree and lay her eggs in it, through sometimes inches of wood.

Here is the process step by step: (from Wikipedia [check it out because the pic is much bigger])

1. Tapping with her antennae, the wasp detects and localizes scent and vibrations that indicate a host is present.
2. With the longer ovipositor, the wasp drills a hole through the bark.
3. The wasp inserts the ovipositor into the cavity which contains the host larva.
4. Making corrections.
5. Depositing her eggs.
6. Depositing her eggs.

Some species inject venom along with the eggs. The eggs hatch and the larvae develop in the host, feeding off it and killing it before emerging as an adult.

Here's a cool vid from the excellent Life in Undergrowth series on the BBC about an ichneumon that parasitizes caterpillars that live inside ant's nests:

Pretty brutal lifestyle or what?

2. Actually Metal

How do ichneumonids drill into the tree that the host lives in with just a thin ovipositor? How do the adults get out of the tree when they emerge from the host? The tip of the females ovipositor and the adults' mandibles in some species are tipped with actual METAL (zinc or maganese).

3. Disdain for Religion

Philosophers, theologians and naturalists were troubled by the cruelty and br00tality exhibited by organisms such as ichneumonid wasps and cuckoos. How could god create creatures that are so cruel if he is benevolent? Charles Darwin himself wrote:

I own that I cannot see as plainly as others do, and as I should wish to do, evidence of design and beneficence on all sides of us. There seems to me too much misery in the world. I cannot persuade myself that a beneficent and omnipotent God would have designedly created the Ichneumonidae with the express intention of their feeding within the living bodies of Caterpillars, or that a cat should play with mice.

Parasites like ichneumonids and cuckoos are and excellent challenge to the benevolence of god and creationism. In real life, shit like "cruelty" and "kindness" don't factor into survival, which is all that matters. As Darwin put it: "Let the strong survive and the weak perish."

All in all pretty fucking metal, and certainly at the top of my list for Most Metal Organism. And before yall get any ideas, I got dibs on writing a song about these sexy hellbeasts.

MONDAY MORNING SCIENCE CORNER: Amorphophallus titanum AKA The Stench of Death And Decay

Man, DoomUnicorn has been breaching all kinds of etiquette lately. Not only did he come out of nowhere with this whole "IllCon East vs. IllCon West" feud (see last post), but he added insult to injury by posting pornogrind on a Monday, which we all know is verboten. Not only that, but the guy spelled "cryptosporidium" wrong multiple times in said post--I mean, who spells "cryptosporidium" incorrectly? Rookie moves, man. Rookie moves.

Anyhow, West Coast Envy notwithstanding, we now return you to your scheduled program: Monday Morning Science Corner, the CORRECT, educated, West Coast version of Monday mornings at ICHQ. Today's subject is the "corpse flower" AKA "carrion flower", a topic recommended by These A Beast--who I thank graciously, and forgive for living on the wretched East Coast of these United States.

Wikipedia: The titan arum or Amorphophallus titanum (from Ancient Greek amorphos, "without form, misshapen" + phallos, "phallus", and titan, "giant" = "Giant Misshapen Penis") is a flowering plant with the largest unbranched inflorescence in the world. The titan arum's inflorescence is not as large as that of the Talipot palm, Corypha umbraculifera, but the inflorescence of the Talipot palm is branched rather than unbranched.
Due to its odor, which is reminiscent of the smell of a decomposing mammal, the titan arum is characterized as a carrion flower, and is also known as the "corpse flower", or "corpse plant" (Indonesian: bunga bangkai – bunga means flower, while bangkai means corpse or cadaver). For the same reason, the title "corpse flower" is also attributed to the genus Rafflesia which, like the titan arum, grows in the rainforests of Sumatra.

Sumatra is also known for its vicious Rat Monkeys

The titan arum's inflorescence can reach over 3 metres (10 ft) in height. Like the related cuckoo pint and calla lily, it consists of a fragrant spadix of flowers wrapped by a spathe, which looks like a large petal. In the case of the titan arum, the spathe is green on the outside and dark burgundy red on the inside, and deeply furrowed. The spadix is hollow and resembles a large loaf of French bread. The upper, visible portion of the spadix is covered in pollen, while its lower extremity is spangled with bright red-orange carpels. The "fragrance" of the titan arum resembles rotting meat, attracting carrion-eating beetles and Flesh Flies (family Sarcophagidae) that pollinate it. The inflorescence's deep red color and texture contribute to the illusion that the spathe is a piece of meat. During bloom, the tip of the spadix is approximately human body temperature, which helps the perfume volatilize; this heat is also believed to assist in the illusion that attracts carcass-eating insects.
After the flower dies back, a single leaf, which reaches the size of a small tree, grows from the underground corm. The leaf grows on a semi-green stalk that branches into three sections at the top, each containing many leaflets. The leaf structure can reach up to 6 metres (20 ft) tall and 5 metres (16 ft) across. Each year, the old leaf dies and a new one grows in its place. When the corm has stored enough energy, it becomes dormant for about 4 months. Then, the process repeats.
The corm is the largest known, weighing around 50 kilograms (110 lb). When a specimen at the Princess of Wales Conservatory, Kew Gardens, was repotted after its dormant period, the weight was recorded as 91 kilograms (200 lb).

Above: Visual approximation of Amorphophallus titanum's bloom odor

Left: related "corpse flower" species Rafflesia.

So let's see here: Amorphophallus titanum is a flower that a) comes from the very-metal location of Sumatra, b) grows to as much as 20 feet tall and 16 feet wide, c) blooms only after 7-15 years of life, d) has a Latin name that means "giant, misshapen dick", and e) mimics the smell (and appearance, and temperature) of rotting flesh to attract insects.
Holy fuck. That is Very Metal.

For a fucking flower, I mean.



Titan arum blooming in time lapse:



And lastly, David Attenborough breaks it down:




PS: Speaking of shit that stinks, Episode 16 of IllCon Radio is now up for download and streaming HERE. Learn about the deep UFOlogy behind Blink 182, Alan Moore’s masturbation sorcery, and the soon-to-be-released Grateful Dead MMORPG!

Lots of really cool stuff is coming up on the show in January as well, including an in-depth study of the conspiracy theories connected to Kubrick's The Shining (hint: it's a palindrome), an interview with Peaches Christ, an entire episode about Disney's ties to mind control, Illuminati symbolism, and Satan, and the return of the almighty Freeman. Turn on, tune in, and HESH OUT!

MONDAY MORNING SCIENCE CORNER: Armillaria solidipes AKA The Most Metal Thing You've Ever Read

Wikipedia: Armillaria solidipes (formerly Armillaria ostoyae) is a species of fungus in the Physalacriaceae family. It is the most common variant in the western U.S., of the group of species that all used to share the name Armillaria mellea. Armillaria solidipes is quite common on both hardwood and conifer wood in forests west of the Cascade crest. The mycelium attacks the sapwood and is able to travel great distances under the bark or between trees in the form of black rhizomorphs ("shoestrings").

Here's where it gets heavy:

It is known to be one of the largest living organisms, where scientists have estimated a single specimen found in Malheur National Forest in Oregon to have been growing for some 2,400 years, covering 3.4 square miles. Armillaria solidipes grows and spreads primarily underground and the bulk of the organism lies in the ground, out of sight. Therefore, the organism is not visible to anyone viewing from the surface. It is only in the autumn when this organism will bloom “honey mushrooms”, visible evidence of the organism lying beneath. Low competition for land and nutrients have allowed this organism to grow so huge and become arguably the largest living organism.

3.4 SQUARE MILES.
That's 8.9 SQUARE KILOMETRES.
That's 2,200 ACRES.
That's 94,786,560 SQUARE FEET.



Biologists estimate the weight of the colony to be somewhere in the neighborhood of 600 tons. That's the equivalent weight of three pregnant, adult blue whales, the world's largest known mammal.

Is your brain okay?

Maybe you should cool down by watching this video--depicting an Armillaria mellea mycelium bioluminescence display in time-lapse (condensed from one week to 18 seconds)--on repeat for a little while:



Now go 'Like' Armillaria solidipes on Facebook! (I was the third person to do so, get in now before it's "cool"!)

MONDAY MORNING SCIENCE CORNER: God Plays Dice

So I'm a couple hours late with this week's half-assed Monday "Morning" Science Corner, but I figure I have a good excuse, as today's post incorporates a subject considered to be "breaking news" on the frontier of science--confirmation of the much-hypothesized existence of so-called DARK ENERGY.
What is "dark energy"? Good question, and one that NASA.gov answers as such: "More is unknown than is known. We know how much dark energy there is because we know how it affects the Universe's expansion. Other than that, it is a complete mystery. But it is an important mystery. It turns out that roughly 70% of the Universe is dark energy. Dark matter makes up about 25%. The rest - everything on Earth, everything ever observed with all of our instruments, all normal matter - adds up to less than 5% of the Universe. Come to think of it, maybe it shouldn't be called "normal" matter at all, since it is such a small fraction of the Universe.

One explanation for dark energy is that it is a property of space. Albert Einstein was the first person to realize that empty space is not nothing. Space has amazing properties, many of which are just beginning to be understood. The first property that Einstein discovered is that it is possible for more space to come into existence. Then one version of Einstein's gravity theory, the version that contains a cosmological constant, makes a second prediction: "empty space" can possess its own energy. Because this energy is a property of space itself, it would not be diluted as space expands. As more space comes into existence, more of this energy-of-space would appear. As a result, this form of energy would cause the Universe to expand faster and faster. Unfortunately, no one understands why the cosmological constant should even be there, much less why it would have exactly the right value to cause the observed acceleration of the Universe.

Another explanation for how space acquires energy comes from the quantum theory of matter. In this theory, "empty space" is actually full of temporary ("virtual") particles that continually form and then disappear. But when physicists tried to calculate how much energy this would give empty space, the answer came out wrong - wrong by a lot. The number came out 10x120 times too big. That's a 1 with 120 zeros after it. It's hard to get an answer that bad. So the mystery continues."

Great, NASA. Thanks for answering that so clearly and succinctly.

Bottom line, no one knows what "dark energy" is. But it most likely makes up about 70% of the known Universe and, as of today, it has been confirmed as (relatively) REAL. Hm.

From MSN Space:

A census of 200,000 galaxies may confirm that the mysterious force of dark energy is what is pulling the universe apart at ever-increasing speeds, a new study finds.
The results of the five-year galactic survey offer new support for the favored theory of how elusive dark energy works — as a constant force, uniformly affecting the universe and driving its runaway expansion.
The new findings contradict an alternate theory that gravity, and not dark energy, is the force pushing space apart and causing it to expand. That alternate theory challenges Albert Einstein's concept of gravity, because it has gravity acting at great distances as a repulsive force rather than an attractive one.

An unsolved mystery

Dark energy has long been an unexplainable force, and the theory of its existence remains unproven, but the results of this new study could provide independent confirmation that it is behind the strange way that galaxies are being pulled from one another, against the tug of gravity.
"The action of dark energy is as if you threw a ball up in the air, and it kept speeding upward into the sky faster and faster," said Chris Blake of the Swinburne University of Technology in Melbourne, Australia. Blake is lead author of two papers on the study appearing in an upcoming issue of the journal Monthly Notices of the Royal Astronomical Society.
"The results tell us that dark energy is a cosmological constant, as Einstein proposed," Blake said in a statement. "If gravity were the culprit, then we wouldn't be seeing these constant effects of dark energy throughout time."

So is it a vindication for Einstein or a negation of his theories? Tough call, but I prefer the latter interpretation. I think it's pretty safe in this day and age to call out Einstein as the hack that he truly was, and maybe call bullshit on that punk-ass Stephen Hawking while we're here, too.

EINSTEIN: "God does not play dice."

GOD:

"I PLAY HELLA DICE, SON. NOW BACK UP AND LEMME ROLL THESE HERE BONES.

PEACE OUT KID. WORD TO HAROLD CAMPING, I'LL CATCH ALL Y'ALL NINJAS BACK HERE ON OCTOBER 21st, AIGHT?"

- from "The Bible"

It's true, man. Einstein was a fucking windbag. Anyone claiming to know quote unquote GOD's proclivities--whether in regard to the nature of gravity and the Universe or "His" grand Doomsday Scheme--can suck one. "God" is a crutch and Albert Einstein is Harold Camping. This much I'm sure we can all agree on.
Sorry to get all REAL on you guys, but it's been a long week filled with a bit too much Christian dogma and not enough sleep. I'm fucking calling EVERYONE OUT, not just dead guys and dudes in wheelchairs.

- CRUD WIZARD: You're a punk-ass ho, and next time I see you away from your bodyguard/"dad", it's ON.
- JAIME FROM THE LIVING DOORWAY: You're a ho-ass punk, don't think I don't notice you biting Ira Glass' style. You fake, homie. I'm taking you DOWN.
- WRESTLEMANIA 7: 25% of participants dead? Something shady is going on, and I intend to get to the bottom of it. Watch your back, Wrestlemania 7.
- THOR the movie: Obvious reasons.

Illogical Contraption: slightly more accurate than Wikipedia in regards to science and quantum phenomena.

So DARK ENERGY is a reality. And probably the new name for about a dozen new Italian power metal bands. Fair enough. But how much of the Universe is actually made up of Weird Dude Energy?

Answer me THAT, Science.

Monday Morning Science Corner: SIPHONOPHORES

Siphonophorae or Siphonophora, the siphonophores, are an order of the Hydrozoa, a class of marine invertebrates belonging to the phylum Cnidaria. They are colonial, but the colonies can superficially resemble jellyfish; although they appear to be a single organism, each specimen is actually a colony of Siphonophora. The best known species is the dangerous Portuguese Man o' War (Physalia physalis). With a body length of 40–50 m, another species of siphonophore, Praya dubia, is one of the longest animals in the world.



Siphonophores are especially scientifically interesting because they are composed of medusoid and polypoid zooids that are morphologically and functionally specialized. Each zooid is an individual, but their integration with each other is so strong that the colony attains the character of one large organism. Indeed, most of the zooids are so specialized that they lack the ability to survive on their own. Siphonophorae thus exist at the boundary between colonial and complex multicellular organisms. Also, because multicellular organisms have cells which, like zooids, are specialized and interdependent, siphonophores may provide clues regarding their evolution.



Like other hydrozoans, certain siphonophores can emit light. A siphonophore of the genus Erenna has been discovered at a depth of around 1,600 meters off the coast of Monterey, California. The individuals from these colonies are strung together like a feather boa. They prey on small animals using stinging cells. Among the stinging cells are stalks with red glowing ends. The tips twitch back and forth creating a twinkling effect. It is theorized that twinkling red light attracts small fish that have been found eaten by these siphonophores. While many sea animals produce blue and green bioluminescence, this siphonophore was only the second lifeform found to produce a red light (the first being the Scaleless Dragonfish, Chirostomias pliopterus).


Due to their highly specialized colonies, siphonophores have long misled scientists. They were for a long time believed to be a highly distinct group, but now are known to have evolved from simpler colonial hydrozoans similar to Anthomedusae or Leptomedusae. Consequently, they are now united with these in a subclass Leptolinae.



The Siphonophorae have long fascinated scientists and layfolk alike, due to their dramatic appearance as well as the large size and dangerous sting of several species. Compared to their relatives, their systematics are relatively straightforward.

Many siphonophores are bioluminescent, glowing green or blue when disturbed. All siphonophores are predators, and use their many tentacles to capture crustaceans and small fish.




Yog-Sothoth knows the gate. Yog-Sothoth is the gate. Yog-Sothoth is the key and guardian of the gate. Past, present, future, all are one in Yog-Sothoth. He knows where the Old Ones broke through of old, and where They shall break through again. He knows where They have trod earth's fields, and where They still tread them, and why no one can behold Them as They tread.