TOO MUCH FUCKIN VUH

LOL @ this picture

I was re-watching Herzog's Nosferatu (yes, AGAIN) just the other night, and, once again, I was completely bowled over not just by the dismal/beautiful cinematography and natural wonder of the whole goddamn thing, but by the creepy, hypnotic score contributed by everyone's favorite Teutonic prog-jockeys Popol Vuh. As usual, brief ponderance morphed into lingering obsession, and today, I present you with two more droning Vuh/Herzog collabos, namely 1972's Aguirre, The Wrath of God and 1982's Fitzcarraldo. If you are looking to be utterly bummed/mind-blown by either a movie or a movie soundtrack, I can heartily suggest each of these entries--both films are super crushing in a depressive yet visually stunning way, and the swirling Vuh tapestries which accompany them are their perfect audio marriage.
Forget what you know about these two flicks. Forget Klaus Kinski completely losing his shit and driving everyone on set nuts with each successive role. Forget Herzog accidentally killing off, like, half of his crew with each movie he made from 1970-1985. Forget the fucking critical acclaim and forget the jungle diseases and forget that episode of Metalocalypse where they go all "Dethcarraldo" on the Amazonian natives.
Just soak in the dark, bummer vibes Popol Vuh is laying down for you on this rainy Tuesday afternoon, and thank sweet, sweet Odin that Hollywood still hasn't started on Aguirre 2: Pizarro's Revenge (starring Tom Hanks!) just yet... Nor Fitzcarraldo, Shot In 3D!
Some things are still sacred.


AGUIRRE OST (1972)

Download HERE
Purchase HERE




FITZCARRALDO OST (1982)

Download HERE
Purchase HERE



Also, LOL @ guy playing one ride cymbal

Popol Vuh Last.FM

THE IRON BUTTERFLY CONSPIRACY

Iron Butterfly, mid 70's. Philip Taylor Kramer pictured at far left.

I doubt that anyone with any sort of passing knowledge of music history doesn't know who Iron Butterfly is ("In-A-Gadda-Da-Vidda"?), so I'll hop right into the meat of this story without too much preamble. Let it simply be known that despite the fact that they produced only one hit song, Butterfly has existed in one form or another, on and off, for over 45 years now, experiencing probably double-to-triple as many lineup changes as IllCon stand-bys like Incantation or Napalm Death, all the while completely avoiding record industry trappings like "record sales" or "critical acclaim". They peaked in 1969, my friends, no secret there, but have managed to cling to life, like a horde of burnout zombies, ever since.
Today's story is only tangentially related to the band itself, insofar as it revolves around a dude (Philip Taylor Kramer, pictured above right with the sick pink Warlock) who played bass, sang, and played keyboards for the band for only 3 years (1974-'77), appearing on only two critically-panned albums (Scorching Beauty and Sun And Steel, both released in 1975). Taylor's story is a zany and mysterious one, and one that I was completely unfamiliar with until last week's episode of IllCon Radio (thanks to caller "Floyd from Arkansas" for the tip).

Philip Taylor Kramer's life story is speckled with high weirdness and scientific anomaly, to the point that his stint in Iron Butterfly remains a mere footnote. After his departure from the group, he acquired a degree in aerospace engineering via night school, which he applied to numerous technological adventures in the following two decades. Kramer's abrupt "disappearance" (death? suicide? transdimensional ascension?) in 1995 remains a mystery to this day, surrounded by rumor, conspiracy, and nefarious connotation.

Band photo from another early Kramer project, Gold. Phil is again pictured at far left.

Right: Photo of a skull identified as belonging to Philip Taylor Kramer, discovered in Decker Canyon (near Malibu, CA) in 1999.

After obtaining the aforementioned degree, Phil moved on to several odd pursuits, among them helping the US Defense Department develop a guidance system for their infamous MX Missile series in the 1980's (NOT the Brazilian thrash metal band). He rode the Silicon Wave of the late 80's and early 90's in Southern California, proving himself a pioneer in the fields of both facial recognition systems (see also: BIOMETRICS) and fractal compression (I still don't 100% understand how fractal compression works, but you can start HERE and work your way out).

Eventually (and strangely), he went into business with Randy Jackson (left)--NOT the American Idol judge/former Journey bassist, but brother of our old pal Michael. They formed a company called Total Multimedia, Inc., wherein Phil served as an executive from 1990 until his cessation-to-be in 1995. The company specialized in compression techniques for CD-ROMs (special focus on the previously-mentioned "fractal" offshoot), and their greatest claim to fame was that they "developed the first video compression capable of producing full motion video from a single speed CD-ROM" in 1992.
But Phil had other interests outside of business and CD-ROM compression. He had a burning desire to discredit the theories of one man, an evil tyrant whose ideas haunted Kramer to the bitter end:



Einstein: WHAT A DICK.
Seriously. Let's skip all the biometrics/facial recognition creepiness for a second and get down to the proverbial "brass tacks". Ever heard of a little theory called "special relativity"? I bet you have.

Wikipedia: "(Special relativity) generalizes Galileo's principle of relativity—that all uniform motion is relative, and that there is no absolute and well-defined state of rest (no privileged reference frames)—from mechanics to all the laws of physics, including both the laws of mechanics and of electrodynamics, whatever they may be. Special relativity incorporates the principle that the speed of light is the same for all inertial observers regardless of the state of motion of the source.
This theory has a wide range of consequences which have been experimentally verified, including counter-intuitive ones such as length contraction, time dilation and relativity of simultaneity, contradicting the classical notion that the duration of the time interval between two events is equal for all observers. (On the other hand, it introduces the space-time interval, which is invariant.) Combined with other laws of physics, the two postulates of special relativity predict the equivalence of mass and energy, as expressed in the mass–energy equivalence formula E = mc2, where c is the speed of light in a vacuum. The predictions of special relativity agree well with Newtonian mechanics in their common realm of applicability, specifically in experiments in which all velocities are small compared with the speed of light. Special relativity reveals that c is not just the velocity of a certain phenomenon—namely the propagation of electromagnetic radiation (light)—but rather a fundamental feature of the way space and time are unified as spacetime. One of the consequences of the theory is that it is impossible for any particle that has rest mass to be accelerated to the speed of light."

Would YOU trust this guy?

HELL NO. Philip Taylor Kramer, missile-maker, fractal compressor, digital-face-recognizer, and stony-hippie-bass-noodler, wasn't having any of this shit. His life goal was to disprove the theory of special relativity, to develop a "warp drive" via quantum mechanics that would not only negate Einstein's "you can't go faster than the speed of light" bullshit, but also open up the gates of the cosmos. After all, wouldn't the cancellation of "E=mc2" indicate such a possibility? Kramer believed so, but his highly-coveted personal research never had a chance to fall upon the unsuspecting public.

(Anyone else keeping up with CERN's baffling "beyond the speed of light" results over there at the LHC recently? Anyone? No?)

Kramer began getting paranoid about his studies, thinking that perhaps his ambitions about space/time travel might be ruffling some feathers with his previous employers (i.e. The Man). Shit started getting weird. I'll let Wikipedia tell you the rest:

On February 12, 1995 he drove to Los Angeles International Airport to pick up an investor. He spent forty-five minutes at the airport but failed to meet the investor. Kramer did make a flurry of cell phone calls, including one to the police during which Kramer said, "I’m going to kill myself. And I want everyone to know O.J. Simpson is innocent. They did it."
He was never heard from again. This led to a massive search, many news reports, and talk show segments including an episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show, America's Most Wanted, The Unexplained ("Strange Disappearances," first aired 5/7/2000), and Unsolved Mysteries some years later. An article in Skeptic reported numerous conspiracy theories about his death.
On May 29, 1999, Kramer's Ford Aerostar minivan and skeletal remains were found by photographers looking for old car wrecks to shoot at the bottom of Decker Canyon near Malibu, California. Based on forensic evidence and Kramer's emergency call to the police, authorities ruled his death as a probable suicide committed on the day on which he was last heard.

Cool. Seems pretty tidy. No loose ends to tie up here, folks.

Seriously, if you've SEEN The Naked Gun, you know this guy's innocent.

According to Kramer's family, he had never displayed any sort of self-destructive/suicidal qualities and was, despite his well-founded paranoias, a pretty content and easy-going guy. After all, he was a millionaire.

According to evidence gathered at the scene, he died with 40 cents in his pocket.

Nothing to see here.

Here's the previously-mentioned Unsolved Mysteries segment in its entirety. Warning: the audio is utter shit (turn it up).



More on the Iron Butterfly Conspiracy via Above Top Secret.

COIN-OP MEMORIES PART 2

Back for more. Part 1 ( I'm not going to link it as you would miss the sweet Herpes post below ) whet your appetite about some classic arcade gaming. Well I have carried on my trawl through the arcade classics I remember and picked out more of my favourites that are worthy of a go still to this day. Lets get down to it.

Bad Dudes Vs. DragonNinja (1988)

One of those games that every arcade had, also one of those games that everyone had at home as it was ported to nearly every home computer going. Despite being easier on the home versions it still gave you a little more edge over the competition when it came down to playing it in public.
The game had you attempting to rescue President Ronny ( Reagan ) from the DragonNinja. You constantly get asked if your a bad enough dude to take on the job despite your character proclaiming he's "bad" after every stage. They ain't even satisfied when you beat the shit out of waves and waves of enemy ninjas, dogs, ladies in bondage gear and various boss characters.

Once you manage to defeat the the evil DragonNinja, you get this pretty sweet ending......

Lucky & Wild (1992)

This was the coolest game when I was a kid. For those of us that grew up watching Lethal Weapon, Starsky & Hutch and Tango & Cash, this was the only way to live out those fantasies. It wasn't a very popular machine due to the size it required, but you had hit gold if any amusement had it. First off, check the machine......

That's right! Driving as well as shooting! With two guns! It might be a common thing these days but back in the late 80's/early 90's, only Chase HQ had the police chase, shooting and driving angle really nailed. Lucky & Wild allowed you and a buddy to be cops chasing down and shooting the shit out of everything on screen.
Check the video.............

Mute the sound as its pretty annoying listening to some bozo talking through it.

Pretty sweet looking eh? The attraction of it was the absolute chaos it seemed to involve. You drove through malls and restaurants while blasting bad guys apart! At its heart it was a standard rail shooter, to my young mind it was the nearest I would ever get to being involved in high speed shoot-outs.

Hot bitches 

Plus sweet chase music

I am pretty sure this is the king of my mispent, childhood, arcade loitering.

Vendetta (1991)

At one point in time, any urban set, revenge themed beat em up wouldn't have been taken seriously if it didn't have the title screen set on a graffiti strewn brick wall. That was a cast iron certificate that you would see fist/face interface action. Vendetta was a sort of sequel to the Double Dragon rip off Crime Fighters, it was a pretty standard rescue-your-girl-from-nasty-dudes. Now, lots of games dealt with this theme, Vendetta changed it up with the chance to have 3 of your friends back you up. Allowing you to throw each other into enemies and such.

Vendetta added a ton more violence than Final Fight or Double Dragon had, this was what had me coming back. You could hold enemies down and wail on their torso, smash barrels over heads, kick down scaffolding, smash sacks of cement around their faces, tons of pretty rough stuff. Get your hands on a baseball bat with nails or a chain and you could carve your way through the enemies.

Hot bitches and fire.

Your gang is called Cobras.

Rogues gallery.

Did I also mention the pretty bitchin' soundtrack courtesy of Castlevania composer Michiru Yamane? You bet I did.

Personally, these where my favourites. I always had a few more that I played pretty regular like Captain Commando, Knights of The Round, Narc, Vigilante and some others. Anyone want to throw their own favourites in?

COBRAS' TOP ELEVEN OF ELEVEN

Seems like a pretty safe time to put out a 'Top Eleven of 2011', right? I mean, unless Inquisition puts out a new album within the next 30 hours or so, all entries have been accounted for and all the votes have been tallied--we're in the clear. Now, I know most of you are probably hoping for some sort of '20 Shittiest'-esque fiasco this year, but I regret to inform you that no such shit-talking will happen this time around: I was too busy listening to Joe Rogan and Giorgio Tsoukalos argue about ancient aliens to even listen to 20 "new" albums in their entirety this year, much less write about them.
It's true. I basically gave up music blogging in 2011, but that doesn't mean I can't shit out a quick dozen recommendations for you, does it? I still listen to metal on occasion. I don't by any means keep up with new music like I used to, but people are still constantly sending me stuff to listen to (despite my protests), so why not?

These "year end" lists are basically bullshit, and full of weird politics anyways. I mean, I thought the new Vektor album was great, but I never got a chance to fully digest the whole thing. Does that go on the list? Nah. The new Cruciamentum EP kills, but I'm bored of it already. Does that go on the list? Nah. I guess what you're looking at here is a small, somewhat inaccurate gathering of releases that actually held my attention this year, and no matter how many times I tell you guys I'm unqualified to write it, you'll still comment to tell me what I left out. Whatever. I know my taste in music sucks. That already puts me ahead of the pack. Fuck it.

Where was I? Oh yeah, the list.
Let's do this.


11. GIGAN - QUASI-HALLUCINOGENIC SONIC LANDSCAPES


There is much to be said for the type of Hessian bro that would rock a Voltron shirt in his band photo, as there is also much to be said for the type of Hessian bro that would (somewhat befuddlingly) entitle a song "Suspended In Cubes of Torment". This is GIGAN in a nutshell--insane, quasi-psychedelic riffs, extended noise loops, and biomechanical-octopus musicianship aside. Much hate has been thrown at the "tech" sub-genre in recent years, but I remain a firm supporter--as long as actual ideas are present. Despite the machine-gun drumming and tapping solos, these fuckers know how to write a goddamn SONG. Every jam on Quasi-Hallucinogenic has some sort of catchy section, several repeating (sometimes to the point of hypnotic) riffs, and a vocal hook (or at least what qualifies for one in death metal), and as a result, I've been stuck on it since its release earlier this year.
I've said before that I enjoy tech-death because it is the perfect union of the visceral and the cerebral. Gigan drive that point home--with the fury and precision of a marauding Mechagodzilla on DMT.


Metallum/Last.FM


10. PESTE NOIRE - L'ORDURE A L'ETAT PUR


Is the guy from France's Peste Noire a Nazi? Fuck if I know, or care. Either way, L'Ordure à l'état Pur is an epic mindfuck of a black metal album, mixing weird, psuedo-techno beats, farm animal noises, and bleak, misanthropic nihilism into a startling broth that managed to push boundaries even in the over-saturated BM market of 2011. There is plenty that I don't like about this album (see the aforementioned "techno" beats, 20-minute song times, NSBM leanings, etc etc) but the all-encompassing WEIRDNESS contained herein has made it a mainstay in the trusty ol' iPod, and the fact that Peste Noire can still keep me guessing after repeat listenings has to count for something.
If Abbath and Horgh commandeered Gogol Bordello and toured the catacombs of Paris, it might sound something like L'Ordure à l'état Pur. But until that happens, we'll just have to settle for this oddball gem, NS bullshit be damned.


Metallum/Last.FM


9. ENTRAILS ERADICATED - VIRALOCITY EP


JGD introduced me to Australia's Entrails Eradicated just recently, but I don't feel the least bit hesitant adding them here after such a short honeymoon. Sure, the extensive noise intros are overkill for this EP's brief runtime, but Viralocity is the band's first release, and this much talent deserves a little room to fuck up. Like Gigan, EE temper sweep-picked insanity with tasteful, catchy vocals and recognizable song structures, making them an instant favorite here at ICHQ.
Be forewarned: this year's Top 11 is chock-full of "techy" shit, but that's what seems to be sounding good to me these days. Perhaps technical death metal has finally tired of chasing its own tail, and is now settling into a pattern of "good songwriting" and "realistic production". But maybe it's just wishful thinking. Either way, Entrails Eradicated are doing something right, so here's to hoping that they don't perpetuate that "one EP and done" cycle so many other promising shredders have fallen prey to (see: Viraemia, Slaughterbox, etc).
Oh, and nice windmills too, guys.


Metallum/Last.FM


8. ARCHSPIRE - ALL SHALL ALIGN


Another obscure, tasteful tech gem, this time from the hoary wastes of Vancouver, Canada. These fellas seem to conform more to the shaved-heads-and-basketball-shorts school of uber-athletic bro-wanking, which, if you know ol' Cobras, is a major bonus. Shattering expectations by shunning any sort of melodic vocal pattern and/or Autotuned mosh breakdown, Archspire hit hard and fast, thoroughly annihilating your facial region with an onslaught of seven-string wizardry and hyperspeed blasting, all the while maintaining a crunchy, sing-along-with-Cookie-Monster feel that would make the Swedish DM Gods proud.
It should be duly noted that All Shall Align (like Viralocity) is Archspire's first release and mission statement--hinting that perhaps this is a band we should all be paying attention to in the future... Then again, maybe not--I saw one of their guitarists rocking a Dream Theater shirt in a live video.



Also, LOL:


Metallum/Last.FM


7. VAST AIRE - OX 2010: A STREET ODYSSEY


I've included Vast Aire's long-awaited opus Ox 2010: A Street Odyssey as a sorbet, to cleanse the palate. After all, if you don't mix it up and take a break from metal every now and then, you'll end up as one of those sad, defensive, sheltered pussies that hangs out in MetalSucks comments sections all day, writing things like "+1" and "^this".
All kidding aside, though, Vast Aire's solo follow up to his old duo Cannibal Ox's 2001 oddball classic The Cold Vein is 100% worth the wait, bursting at the seams with both streetwise, guns-and-dope poetry and abstract, artsy philosophy. It sucks that Vorghul Mega wasn't around for this one, but FUCK, Ox 2010 is a great album, and has been getting just as much stereo time here at ICHQ as anything the "metal" realm produced in 2011.


Last.FM: Vast Aire/Cannibal Ox


Brought to you by IllCon Animation Studios, Inc.

6. CONDEMNED - REALMS OF THE UNGODLY


2011 was the year that I took the wise words BEHEAD THOSE THAT INSULT SLAM as my own personal motto, recognizing as it were the odd correlation between "slam-insulting" and "fun-hating". I mean, seriously: I know "slam metal" is by far the most testosterone-driven form of DM, appealing to the most socially-and-intellectually-inept camo-shorters amongst us, but if you can't see the reason for its base appeal (i.e. sweet fucking grooves that make you mosh your balls off) then you are all but dead to me.
Sure, Realms of The Ungodly is standard-issue slam with the quality and riffsmanship levels bumped up a couple notches. But the sole fact that Condemned is comprised of 40 to 60% of the same dudes from the almighty CEPHALOTRIPSY? That connection alone bumps them up to #6.
PS: The new Cephalotripsy promo stuff that came out this year deserves its own spot on this list, but I figure I'll just save the #1 spot for their upcoming full-length on my Top 12 of '12 list next year. Fair enough.



Also, some new Cephalo jams in case you slept on 'em:




Metallum/Last.FM


5. VISCERAL DISGORGE - INGESTING PUTRIDITY


Like I said on #6: SLAM-INSULTERS CAN FUCKING SUCK IT.
Baltimore's own Visceral Disgorge have occupied their own little corner of my iPod's memory for the latter half of 2011, remaining both relevant and welcome with each "shuffle" cycle. Their low-brow sex-and-gore samples? Gold. Their mixed-too-low, monotone vocals? Yes please. "Force Fed Shredded Genitalia"? 10-4. "Colostomy Bag Asphyxiation"? Roger that. This is a band that will remind any Hessian warrior worth his spikes to never take him(or her)self too seriously, with enough tech-y, brain-melting pitt riffment to still qualify as "smart". Did I mention that this, too, is their first release?
More please.


Metallum/Last.FM


4. CRAFT - VOID


Often derided as hipster BM (thanks to a record deal with Southern Lord), Sweden's Craft have nonetheless delivered quality album after quality album since their inception in 1999 (Pro Tip: get 2000's Total Soul Rape and 2002's Terror Propaganda RIGHT HERE), with Void being their best so far. Few bands can rival Craft for pure, unadulterated misanthropy and hatred, but it's their innovative musicianship that really tickles my nuts.
This album represents Craft's Pokemon-esque evolution into a bigger, better, and more menacing creature--the Blastoise to Fuck The Universe's Wartortle. It's a shame that they'll inevitably have to go and kill themselves in the near future, depriving us of more classics like this one.

Best Song 2011?:


Metallum/Last.FM


3. ABSU - ABZU


Whenever I wish to judge a new Absu offering, I simply hold it up to their track off the 1997 Gummo OST, "The Gold Torques of Ulaid". Where does this new recording land on The Ulaid Scale? Is it 'not nearly as good'? 'Almost as good'? 'Better' (just kidding, no one will ever write a song better than that one)? The way I see it, said jam is the apex of the Absu pantheon, showcasing both their talent for complex, busy riffing, and obscure, transcendental mythologizing.
How gleeful was I, then, to find upon the arrival of their 2011 opus Abzu, that the WHOLE GODDAMN THING scored 'as good as' on The Ulaid Scale? I mean, FUCK, the opening track "Earth Ripper" alone packs an album's-worth of blackened, thrashy, cosmic goodness--but by the time the 15-minute closing track rolls around, one's mind is left as nothing but an amorphous pool of humiliated sludge.
Weird enough that these dudes would title their 2011 album Abzu after calling their 2009 release Absu--but hey, it's no secret that this band is on a different plane (they're from fucking Texas, man!), and should be treated as other-wordly beings. Far be it from me to pass judgment.

Obviously, Sir Proscriptor is on some next-level intergalactic karate-chop lamé-headband shit.


Metallum/Last.FM


2. ORIGIN - ENTITY


At the risk of sounding douchey or name-droppy, allow me to share a brief story about an encounter I had earlier this year with Paul Ryan, guitarist and main songwriter for longtime IllCon favorites Origin:

Sometime around February, I was making the rounds in SF, handing out flyers for the first (and last?) annual IC Black/Death Fest. I stopped by the ol' Guitar Center on Van Ness (where Paul works as a salesbro) to drop off some handbills, at which point homeboy pulled me aside and asked if I'd like to hear a track off the new (as of then unreleased) Origin album. Well yeah, of course, duh.
Anyhow, long story short, Paul took me back into the dark recesses of their PA department, where he proceeded to completely melt my face and brain by playing Entity's opening track "Expulsion of Fury" through a fucking WALL of speakers. I pretty much knew right then and there that the new album was going to be one of the best (if not THE best) albums of the year, and upon its official arrival in July, my suspicions were confirmed. Origin just blows the doors off of EVERYONE with this one. Case closed.


Metallum/Last.FM


Unanimous winner: Best animated .gif 2011

So now it's time, folks... A whole year of metal, all boiled down to ONE amazing release. My NUMBER ONE pick of 2011, an album that changed lives, made us laugh, made us think, made us cry.
Without further ado, the Illogical Contraption Number One Album of the Year:




MIND-BENDING.
LIFE-ALTERING.
A TOUR-DE-FORCE.