Anyone remember just over two months ago, when I posted about avid IllCon reader "Generic Viagra" (right)? For those who don't, said post was dedicated to unravelling the secret of Mr. Viagra's identity, of putting a face with the name and learning from whence this strange and mysterious man's strange and mysterious ideas spring. Truly, Generic Viagra is one of this blog's most frequent commentators, and although he usually only comments on posts long since past, a quick and perfunctory review of said posts will indeed turn up a handful of GV gems in no time at all.This dude has been around for a really long time, and has shared many powerful and insightful thoughts with the readership of this blog. Unfortunately, very few of us have enjoyed the privilege of reading them, a sad fact that I intend on correcting (however partially) forthwith. Who is this man, "Generic Viagra"? Why are his convictions in his company's product so powerful, powerful enough that he links back to them in every single comment? Could it be that this man is merely a pawn in some sort of viral advertising scheme? I doubt it. I feel as though the mystery of Generic Viagra's identity runs much deeper than that, and I am proud to announce that, as of this writing, the mystery might actually be solved. But we'll get back to that at the end of the post.
Until then, enjoy another cross-section of quotes from our friend Generic Viagra: The Man, The Myth, The Possessor of Eternal Erections...
- First off, Mr. Viagra on 1996's Eyesore: A Stab At The Residents tribute album (April 1, 2009):
"The idea of the band all wearing eye masks is pretty interesting and looks funny as well. Some songs are interesting covers, but i believe I will pass on this one.
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Now THAT, my friends, is pure class. Most blogs ask you to comment if you download. Generic Viagra is such a Bro that he leaves a polite comment informing us all that he chooses not to download, even going so far as to explain why. I daresay we could ALL learn a little something from this intelligent and dignified man.
- On the psychedelic conspiracy videos of Cyrax and Flyrax (Feb 22, 2010):
(written under the psuedonym "Viagra Online")
"This is nuts... i felt like I had a sniff of a 9 inch line of coke and then drank 25 beers, and after that take 3 shots of heroin... or perhaps it wasn't me but this guys here did that and transferred the feeling through the videos."
Hmmm... It appears that Mr. Viagra is no stranger to chemical vice... Interesting...
- Another one written as "Viagra Online", in response to my brief tale about In/Humanity's Gets Killed By Robots 7" (Jan. 4, 2010):
"This happened to me once. To have a 7" in my hands and without any type of explanation it just disappeared leaving no track no where... including my memories. It was Annihilator and the record was Alice in Hell...
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(LOL @ Generic Viagra talking about "having a 7" in his hands")
- On the offensive cover art of Zeni Geva's Total Castration (Nov 15, 2009):"This Japanese guys are totally messed up... just look at that cover for crying out load.. if I were a little respectful of religious icons i would totally burn that one out... but being who i am I'll enjoy it.
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("CRYING OUT LOAD"! Did anyone else catch the subliminal marketing?)
- On Guy Fieri (March 6, 2010):
"I have the same type of relationship with that guy, I like the show for reasons I just don't understand, but I can't picture him as a chef, I just can't-
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- On Ennio Morricone (March 13, 2009):
"He is the man behind The Good, The Bad and The Ugly!? I had no idea of that, pretty awesome, and yes i believe we could have a soccer game in that forehead. But that man is a freaking genius.
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It's true. Ennio Morricone's forehead is fucking enormous.
- On Phobia's 1993 album Return To Desolation and my claim that it is the rightful heir to the legacy of Terrorizer's World Downfall (Nov. 19, 2009):"You have to be high, because i have the very same impression here and I AM high (just kidding... i think) seriuosly, you are right this feels like the right path after World Downfall
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Is he high? OR ISN'T HE?!?!
- On one-man space-metal juggernaut Oxiplegatz (Dec. 26, 2009):
"This guy had serious, serious issues, this guy makes no sense at all, I heard the Worlds album and it was more than enough for me to hear.
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- On Philip Glass' Koyaanisqatsi OST (Dec. 23, 2009):"I have no idea of what in the blue hell this thing is, but heck does this sounds cool.. I too feel like am resurrecting a dinosaur, or inventing time travel or something... I found my internal Dr. Emmet Brown with this.
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Nice Back To The Future reference! But wait, there's more...
On Queen's Flash Gordon OST (Dec. 7, 2009), in which I made an obscure and tacky Manowar pun by insisting that "IF YOU'RE NOT INTO
"Flash Gordon is epic and beyond time and space, ManOwaR simply kills and Queen... well God (any God) saves The Queen. I wish they did more stuff like this. Truly the masters of Rock Opera.
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Dude, he caught my Manowar reference! WHO IS THIS MAN?
- On Initial State's 1994 album Abort The Soul (Nov. 20, 2009):"I believe they should have done more albums, bands with a sound like this should go higher and higher. But at least they left us with this impressive record.
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So true. I am dumbstruck by the wisdom and knowledge that went into that one single phrase: "bands with a sound like this should go higher and higher". I'm probably just going to copy and paste those same words into every album-download post I publish from this day forward. thank you, Generic Viagra.
In response to "THIS HOLLOW EARTH: The Shocking Truth About Reptilian Shapeshifting Nazis..." (Feb 17, 2010)
"if this reptilian is waiting of the right moment to attack us and that moment is during the planet change, I ensure something, they gonna find a race with new powers and with a huge desire for freedom, if our former masters would have us kneel again, they shall feel our defiance slashed across their membranes.
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HOLY SHIT.
On the DJ Drank's Greatest Malt Liquor Hits compilation (Dec. 18, 2008):
(under the psuedonym "Buy Viagra")
"What a nice blog, let me say that you have what some people call: ''writer's wood'', no really,
this could be the best thing i've ever read since that last post of ''Tabasco's Grill'' by Henry Townsend, i can't wait
for another masterpiece of yours!!!! =)
Vincenzo Aquafresca (vincenzoaquafresca@gmail.com)
4853 Tully Street
Dearborn, MI 48126 "
His identity... REVEALED?!?! Or just another "layer" on the Generic Viagra "onion"? A "red herring" to throw us off the proverbial trail or an earnest attempt at contact? Who knows?
One thing is for sure: we are dealing with a far superior intelligence here, one that cannot be understood or harnessed. If you're reading, Generic Viagra, I just want to thank you. And here's to many, many more profound and awe-inspiring comments in the future!
BUY VIAGRA CHEAP VIAGRA!
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