My Netflix 'Suggestions' System Is A Lazy Twat

Question: Who writes the algorithms for the Netflix "suggestion" system? I'll admit, I got bored one day and rated the shit out of a bunch of movies on Netflix (see below), hoping that it would cause the inner workings of the 'Flix to spew forth a cavalcade of obscure, awesome films for my perusal, but sadly, it has had quite the opposite effect.

Observe this recent interaction between myself and the Netflix "system":

INCOMING SUGGESTIONS:



Okay, cool. These all look like good movies. But one question, Netflix: why are they ALL based on my enjoyment of the same three films? I mean, yeah, 2001, Brazil, and Blue Velvet are all awesome, but I'm not gonna base my ENTIRE movie diet around JUST those three movies, right? What else ya got?





OK, OK. Maybe I haven't made myself entirely clear: Again, all of these movie suggestions are based on my 'enjoyment' of Blue Velvet and Clockwork Orange, but c'mon now, I've 'rated' over 2200 movies here, what else have you got?


Fucking Hell, Netflix. Again, we're back to Square One here. Blue Velvet, 2001, and Brazil are NOT the only movies in the world. I've given you so much, can't you just give me a little bit back?





Jesus fucking Christ. We've been through this already...
2200 movies. MIX IT UP a little, eh?!?!


NO.

WRONG.

Game over, Netflix. Put in another quarter.



OK, Netflix, you've made a little progress, but please note: EVERY MOVIE you've EVER recommended to me has been based, in part, on my 'enjoyment' of Blue Velvet. Yes, I DO like Blue Velvet. But that doesn't mean that EVERY movie I EVER see from now on needs to be similar to that film. Are we clear?


Apparently, we are not.

HOLY SHIT! A recommendation NOT based on my enjoyment of Blue Velvet! I've made contact! NETFLIX, IT'S ME, COBRAS! Can we move forward now?!?!?




Never mind, Netflix.

I think maybe we should see other people.


Editor's note: All screencaps were taken directly from only the FIRST page of my Netflix "suggestions" section. If any 'Flix algorithm-writers are reading this: WTF BRO?


'My Netflix Suggestions System Is A Lazy Twat' is the first in a series of posts documenting the "FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS" endured by the creators of the Illogical Contraption blog. Stay tuned for more whine and cheese in the near future!

2011 McLaren Sport Cars MP4-12C GT3 Racing Cars

2011 McLaren Sport Cars MP4-12C GT3 Racing Cars

Rookie luxury automobile designer and manufacturer, McLaren GT, unveiled the 2011 McLaren Sport Cars MP4-12C GT3 Racing Cars and plans to the high-performance sports car market and the supercar automobile arena for a 2011 development programme, a new race car manufacturer which brings together the expertise of McLaren Racing, McLaren Automotive and CRS Racing.

2011 McLaren Sport Cars MP4-12C GT3 Racing Cars

The new 2011 McLaren Sport Cars MP4-12C GT3 Racing Cars will be the first McLaren car built for FIA GT series racing since the McLaren F1 GTR finished production in 1997. The 2011 McLaren Sport Cars MP4-12C GT3 Racing Cars is based on the new MP4-12C high-performance sports car and a team of engineers, designers and test drivers with vast experience in Formula 1 and GT racing has been assembled to undertake the process of adapting the carbon chassis-based 12C to racing specification.

2011 McLaren Sport Cars MP4-12C GT3 Racing Cars

Emerging from a strategic tie-up with Mercedes-Benz that brought the limited production SLR McLaren sports cars between 2003-2009, McLaren GT has now developed its own flagship high-octane sports car scheduled to be launched in time for 2011 GT3 season—and rightfully so, given the long and illustrious race car pedigree quintessential to the McLaren brand. But the design, engineering and testing team at McLaren GT are not resting on their Laurels by keeping to their comprehensive development program so that the 2011 McLaren Sport Cars MP4-12C GT3 Racing Cars meets the discerning standards of the most formidable race car connoisseur.

2011 McLaren Sport Cars MP4-12C GT3 Racing Cars

Martin Whitmarsh, McLaren Group Chief Executive Officer said: "McLaren has racing in its blood and it was a natural step to take our MP4-12C road car and turn it into the most reliable, efficient and easy to drive GT3 car. Every car on the grid will have its performance balanced by race rules, meaning our objective must be to select a technical specification that ensures any driver is able to access the 12C GT3's performance limit with ease. "We have worked with CRS Racing to ensure the 12C's design and development programme is as close as possible to one McLaren Racing would employ in developing a Formula 1 car. The team at CRS is well qualified to shape decisions in this area as they have an outstanding record in racing GT3 cars, and understand what is required to be successful in that level of competitive motorsport.

2011 McLaren Sport Cars MP4-12C GT3 Racing Cars

"In return, McLaren Racing is able to bring new levels of technology to GT3 racing. No other GT3 car in 2012 will be supplied with a road-car carbon chassis, or a steering wheel and other associated technology from a Formula 1 car. "The 2011 McLaren Sport Cars MP4-12C GT3 Racing Cars will be supplied with the 12C's carbon MonoCell and the same steering wheel design employed by Lewis Hamilton in his MP4-24 Formula 1 car. Plus, we are working closely with Formula 1 suppliers past and present: Akebono, Mobil 1, McLaren Electronic Systems, Ricardo and Michelin for example. This blend of road car and Formula 1 technology and experience will be a great advantage to anyone racing a 12C GT3 in 2012."

2011 McLaren Sport Cars MP4-12C GT3 Racing Cars

The simple beauty of the McLaren MP4-12C supercar is romantically fitted for auto racing. Built around the same MonoCell chassis as the street version, the GT3 version of the 2011 McLaren Sport Cars MP4-12C GT3 Racing Cars utilizes the lightweight but enduring construction produced through Resin Transfer Molding. Doors to the race-purpose, driver-oriented interior proceeds to rise in the same majestic style as the exotic production car. With only minor aerodynamic additions under the GT3 category rules, the race-fitted MP4-12C exterior has been modified with exclusive carbon fiber pieces. A front splitter underneath special front fender louvers, rear diffuser and door blade are all unique touches to the 2011 McLaren Sport Cars MP4-12C GT3 Racing Cars.

2011 McLaren Sport Cars MP4-12C GT3 Racing Cars

Though the 2011 McLaren Sport Cars MP4-12C GT3 Racing Cars is already a tempting high-performance creation for the street, the vehicle vital mechanicals require an entire refitting to meet the rigors of auto racing. To best suit the GT3 class rules, engine power from the MP4-12C GT3’s energetic 3.8 liter twin-turbocharged powerplant has been reduced by almost 100 horsepower. Producing roughly 592 horsepower, engineers of the detuned 2011 McLaren Sport Cars MP4-12C GT3 Racing Cars are actually excited to see how the produced-based mechanics will perform in race competition.

2011 McLaren Sport Cars MP4-12C GT3 Racing Cars is a special 6-speed sequential transmission. Weighing 80 kilograms (just under 176.4 pounds) than the street version‘s 7-speed gearbox, the special sports car transmission is developed by the reputable hands of Ricardo. A diverse British-based engineering firm with history going back to 1927, Ricardo other contributions to motorsports includes co-development of the Xtrac used by Formula 1 teams. Completing the performance trim of the race car, Akebono-supplied brake calipers and Michelin tires are fitted to the McLaren MP4-12C GT3 supercar.

2011 McLaren Sport Cars MP4-12C GT3 Racing Cars

This performance-balanced light-weight race car is innovative in engineering design specs: 12 C GT3 (de-tuned to 500 PS providing maximum power) and a 3.8-liter twin turbochargers ‘M838T’ McLaren V8 engine (with a power output of up to 493 HP) defined by a TAG-400 self-contained compact engine system and data logger for race cars designed and produced by McLaren Electronic Systems. To date, initial demands for the first 20 McLaren GT3 units exceed earlier expectations. CRS Racing will build, sell and support the GT3 cars 12C in close collaboration with McLaren. Leicestershire-based racing team has a strong pedigree in GT racing in Le Mans Series, FIA GT Championship, the International GT Open and the British GT Championship. CRS also run two successful single-seater team: in Formula Renault UK Championship and as Atech CRS in Series GP3.

RIGOR MORTIS - SELF-TITLED (1988)

Aren't you guys glad it's finally uncool to like thrash metal again? Jeez, that took FOREVER.
Anyhow, good thrash transcends trendiness or fashion, and great thrash bands (such as Texas' own Rigor Mortis) never die, "retro" revivals be damned. Bear in mind: this is not the short-lived "Immolation" Rigor Mortis, rather it is the excellent, long-running, riff-driven purveyor of sick and twisted horror-thrash we've all grown to know and love lo these past two-and-a-half decades. A legacy of face-melting shreddification indeed. Everything about this band is fucking great, but the axemanship, man, THE AXEMANSHIP.

Mind-blowing.

Fun Fact: Rigor Mortis' wacky jam "Foaming At The Mouth" appears on the soundtrack to the 1993 Hulk Hogan star vehicle Mr. Nanny, a movie which stands, to this day, as the zenith of all American filmmaking. Observe:



Download HERE
Purchase HERE

Metallum/Last.FM

PS Cobras is on vacation til the middle of next week to celebrate the 235th birthday of this great nation in the only manner that it truly should be celebrated--by discharging firearms and igniting explosives in a remote rural location. Peace out, Turds.

America: FUCK YEAH.

ENNIO MORRICONE - FOUR FLIES ON GREY VELVET SOUNDTRACK (1971)

My faith in the readership of this blog is a powerful thing. Therefore, I believe it would be completely unnecessary for me to attempt educating any of you about either Dario Argento or Ennio Morricone. Instead, allow me to make just one point:

LOOK AT THE FUCKING FOREHEADS ON THESE DUDES.

I know, right?

Argento + Morricone + 1971 + Giallo + Funk guitar and farty basslines? Duh.

Download HERE
Purchase HERE
Watch Four Flies in its entirety on YouTube.
Argento Fun Facts
Morricone Fun Facts/Last.FM/Wikipedia
Nude photos of Scarlett Johanssen

I challenge anyone out there to experience this particular seven minutes of music and then NOT download the soundtrack:



What the fuck are you waiting for?








WELL?

XTRO-ORDINARY

"Garbage is the operative word."

Siskel & Ebert... Man, what a couple of fun-hating buttholes. Case in point: they're gonna bag on XTRO? Fucking XTRO?!!? "Mean-spirited"? "Abysmal"? "Garbage"? You're lucky you're fucking dead, Gene Siskel, or else Cobras would have one Hell of a score to settle with you.
For my sci-fi/horror dollar, it just doesn't get any better than this 1983 masterpiece, written and directed by British helmsman Harry Bromley Davenport. Davenport has rarely ventured outside the XTRO franchise for the remainder of his film career, which can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on who you ask. I figured we're loooong overdue for an XTRO post on IllCon, after all, can any of you think of a film more pertinent to I.C interests? XTRO has it all: a super-low budget, awesome special effects, good ideas, humor (both intentional and unintentional), aliens, shitloads of gore and arterial spray, an ultra-spacey electronic soundtrack, a dude eating raw snake eggs, and, best of all, a woman giving very graphic birth to a full-grown man.


"XTRO! BEARING POWERS OF BLACK MAGIC FROM OUTER SPACE!"

XTRO is far more than just your run-of-the-mill 'alien intruder' genre flick, it does of course begin with your standard spaceship crash but spins out of control into something far more surreal rather quickly. By the end of the film, it has morphed into some sort of Satanic mashup between Alien, House By The Cemetary, Killer Klowns From Outer Space, and Toy Story (no, really), causing one to invariably wonder: what the fuck was Harry Bromley Davenport smoking, and why didn't he share?
In reality, it's probably been 5 years or more since I've seen this movie, but the highlights are burned into my brain with an eerie permanence--which I guess is the primary goal of a shocksploitation film like as this one. Badmovies.org has quoted Davenport in confirmation as such: "(I) set out to do the most disgusting things that we could get away with. And if I'd had it my way, they would have been more disgusting." He also called the film an "extraordinary mess" and "rubbish".


XTRO is currently scored as "20% fresh" on Rotten Tomatoes (2% lower than Sucker Punch), which I find totally understandable considering the average person's shitty taste in movies. This movie just ISN'T FOR 99% of the population. But c'mon... How could you possibly take issue with a scene like this?:



As always, I guess we need to take a moment to discuss the (mostly inconsequential) plot. There's a dad, and a kid, and a wife, then some gratuitous boobie shots and stuff, then a bunch of alien-murder, and cocoons, and a midget clown, and a death-by-random-panther scene... Wait, what?

Let's start over. We start with the aforementioned spacecraft crashing in a swamp somewhere in Britain, and it is eventually revealed that said spacecraft formerly housed a really creepy, gooey alien that looks suspiciously like a dude on all fours with a backwards mask on. Said alien proceeds to spirit away the aforementioned Father, possessing his body and then disappearing for three full years.

Upon Daddy's re-appearance on the Family Scene, things start to get pretty goofy. Mom's pissed that he bailed for all that time, and it is then exposed that she has since taken up with a dorky new fella who in turn harbors a deep mistrust of the magically-reappeared Dad. Of course, we all know he's possessed by an alien, so it's no surprise when he starts doing zany shit like sucking on his son's neck, or chowing down on raw snake eggs, or, y'know, impregnating random cottage-dwelling women of the British countryside with Martian embryos. Oh yeah, and killing people.


As a result of his old man's neck-sucking (apparently aliens reproduce a la vampire), the Youngster (Sam) starts doing some pretty wacky shit too, like killing his neighbor and bringing a bunch of his toys to life (hence the Toy Story reference and also, for some reason, the midget clown), and by the time Mom and Dorky Boyfriend catch on to what's happening, the proverbial "fit" has alreready hit the equally-proverbial "shan".
This movie just gets weirder and weirder and weirder as it progresses. Trust me.

I'm sure that at this point you guys are all super-pumped on XTRO, and hankering for its respective sequels. Well, I regret to inform you that its 1991 sequel XTRO 2: The Second Encounter, starring Airwolf star Jan Michael Vincent (right), is a big old boring pile of shit (in fact I ranked it among the worst sequels of all time way back here), and its second sequel, 1995's XTRO 3: Watch The Skies, ain't much better. So that sucks.
You can't win 'em all, I guess. But you can still try: Last year, Harry Bromley Davenport announced plans to begin production on XTRO 4, and although no release date has been set as of yet, I think it's safe to assume that it will at least be.... Interesting?
Who knows? Garbage is the operative word.


No.


No.

Yes.

Watch it on YouTube/Get it on Netflix/Buy VHS/Buy DVD/Ride a rollercoaster with The Rock.

PS I would literally give birth to a full-grown man out of my butthole for a copy of the XTRO OST. Any help?

GOOD NEWS EVERYONE!

Holy shit, during the course of my research for this post, I fucking accidentally found it. Original soundtrack by XTRO auteur Harry Bromley Davenport himself! I've seriously been looking for this sucker for years--it is amazing stuff, especially if you're into that whole psychedelic/sci-fi Moog shit that Tomita and Carlos do so well. Which I am.

Joy!

BLACK MAGIC FROM SPACE